


Catching Flies

by 4ever_Rewritten



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Any relationships are slow building, Author also is random with posting chapters, But is very, F/M, Gen, I also have no concept of time, More to Follow - Freeform, No romance between the boys, Reader tries to make sense of the world, Time is meaningless and school semesters can last forever., ZADF, mainly a found!family fic, so don't expect a ridgid update schedule, sorry - Freeform, very confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-09-23 10:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20338312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4ever_Rewritten/pseuds/4ever_Rewritten
Summary: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. That’s what they say anyways.Teacher!Reader makes the mistake of trying to help the two most trouble kids in your class.  Which leads to forming a science club, learning some childhood psychology, adopting an alien older than you, and somehow catching Professor Memberane’s interest.She/Her Reader; could be seen as a Trans!Reader if you so desireReader does have a last name; Nemo-- which means nobody in Latin.





	1. Chapter 1

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

The chanting slowly grew louder over the usual din as school was dismissed. It caught your attention, making you frown. Most of the middle schoolers were either waiting for someone to pick them up, or trudging home in the late summer heat. However a crowd had gathered near the sports field, angry yells and screams muted only by the crowd cheering. Another fight. It was less than a month since the semester began and this was the third fight you had broken up. If it was Zim and Dib again, you were….

It was. You could see Dib's signature black coat and Zim's off-color skin over the crowd as the two boys rolled on the ground, fighting each other tooth and nail. "Oh for fuck's sake," you growled quietly as you hurried across the lawn. "Ok! Break it up!" you yelled, mildly pleased as the other children paled before scattering quickly. However, the two boys seemed oblivious as Dib bit into Zim's gloved hand, earning a sharp scream for the literal olive-skinned kid. You saw Zim raise his other hand, and you quickly grabbed it before he could yank Dib's wild hair. "I said stop!" you snapped as you ripped the two boys apart. Both seemed stunned by your appearance, their eyes wide as you glared down at them. "My office. Now!"

You didn't give them a chance to react before you dragged them back to the school, ignoring them as they switched between blaming each other and throwing barbs. This was not what you expected when you took this job. You had heard the big city was chaos, but you hadn’t been dissuaded. Kids were kids no matter where they were, right?

No. They weren't. At least not these two. They were brilliant, no doubt about it, but absolutely insane. Zim was technologically gifted, and Dib was well suited for the investigator he dreamed of being. Except for Dib's obsession with the paranormal. And Zim’s egomania was staggering. 

These two boys could easily inherit the world if they had their heads screwed on right. 

You let go of the preteens as you pushed open your door and gestured to the two seats in front of your desk. "Sit." The had twin expressions of petulance on their face as you took your own seat to face them. "Explain."

Instantly you were overwhelmed with both of them talking at the same time, their voices quickly rising as they tried talking over each other. That was a bad idea. "One at a time!" you corrected, shouting over them. Thankfully they quickly quieted, except now they were glaring at each other. "Zim, you first."

"Haha! You see Dib-worm! She recognizes my superiority and trustworthiness over you! Zim is--"

"Ok, no. If you're going to be like that Dib is talking first," you interrupted, already aware that if Zim started to talk in the third person it meant trouble. 

Dib, to his credit, didn't boast other than a small little smirk sent Zim's way before he turned to you. "He was getting ready to activate his machine to turn everyone into monkey slaves."

"Ha! You’re wrong! I would never use disgusting monkeys for my research!" He smiled proudly as his voice softened. "It was going to be chinchillas."

You should have just sent them to the principal's office. Except for the oaf Meyers was beyond useless. You had brought up all your concerns that first week, only for the man to pick his nose and shrug his shoulders. He didn't care about how the school was falling apart, or how the children were running around without discipline, or even the fact that the textbooks were not just outdated, but horribly wrong. 

"And you thought starting a fight was the best way to solve the situation?" You asked weakly. Anyplace else, you would have reminded them to grab a teacher. Except none of the other teachers seemed to _care_.

"Well, we aren't chinchillas right now, so yeah" Dib answered truthfully. 

"I do have to admit Dib-stink's actions did temporarily set back my mission," Zim agreed with a nod. "Otherwise all you human scum would be chattering little fur balls worshiping at mighty Zim's feet!"

You weren't paid enough for this. But you didn’t become a teacher because of the pay. You did it to help raise and nurture the next generation. "You both have detention for the next week."

\---

The next day after school you led the two grumbling boys into the depth of the school to a room you had discovered a while back.

"This is cruel and unusual punishment!" Dib cried out, looking at the mess that had once been a science lab. You don't know what happened to it, just that it had been abandoned, used as a trash room, and then forgotten about long before you ever became a teacher.

"I refuse to be a-a cleaning slave!" Zim yelled. "I am far above such disgusting things!"

"Tough," you answered, handing both of them a trash bag. "I want you to sort this mess out, together. Trash what is unusable, dismantle what can be scrapped for parts, and pile that what can be fixed into a corner."

This wasn't a job for any kid. But these two...you were confident they could easily figure out which was which. Plus you were fairly sure it wasn't too hazardous. "Everyday after class for the next week you are both going to be here to clean up. If you fight, that's one more week you have to serve detention."

You settled into a chair you had found, bringing out a book you had bought. _Childhood counseling for morons._ If no one else would help these two, you would.

As the week progressed, the days seemed to be stretched out with the extra hour of detention every day. Dib and Zim literally could not go one day without fighting. Which only landed more detention time to last until winter break. 

Slowly though the room started to look less like a junkyard and more like a room just in need of a little TLC. You bought bins to help sort out reusable scrap and broken things. You had also used the hours to learn more about the two.

Zim was needy for attention as well as praise. It was like opening a can of worms once you started giving compliments to both boys. The rivalry renewed, but you saw it mainly as Zim being desperate to prove he was the best. Dib wasn't as desperate for approval, though he did react well to it like any kid. Just listening to him about his ideas on aliens, ghosts, and vampire bees, and asking honest questions made him warm up to you quick enough.

"You do realize Zim is an alien, right?" Dib asked after you had let them go from detention. 

"Why do you believe that?" You asked instead of laughing as you wanted.

"Just look at him! He-he's green! I've seen his spaceship and everything! He's an Irken invader come to destroy the earth! Granted, after what happened on Peace day he doesn't seem as hellbent on destroying or conquering…"

You paused, remembering those trippy two days you had spent under your bed, sure that you somehow got dosed with LSD. Later it had been announced a mass hallucination, possibly caused by the prototype Membraclets. Granted you hadn't been able to _afford _them after the massive price hike, but there was no other rational explanation."You know, from what I've seen, I think he just needs someone to listen to him," you evaded. "Maybe steer him in the right direction. Have you tried showing him why he shouldn't destroy the earth?"

It was probably a bad idea to feed into his delusion, but he did have a thoughtful look. "It's easier to trap flies with honey than vinegar," you pointed out rather desperately, hoping that you weren't getting in too deep. But the thoughtful expression turned even more serious as Dib thought. 

"I could trap him by being his friend...I mean, it has its merits, but would Zim fall for it? Thanks, Miss Nemo!" He brightened, a manic smile on his face that reminded you a little of Zim "That's a great idea!"

He ran out laughing, and you were already regretting your decision. 


	2. Two: Weirdo Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meyers is gross, you give a lesson of etiquette, and Zim jumps a fence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say how _astounded_ I am with the feedback I received? I expected maybe a few but wow, you guys! You really touched me with all your comments and the over a hundred Kudos for one chapter! You guys are the best!

"What would you guys think of a science club?"

You posed the question on a Thursday afternoon. The lab was nearly done, even with the totes piled high against one wall. Broken computers, projectors, mixed with half-used chemical samples; only the ones with legible labels, however. The questionable ones you had destroyed yourself once you caught both boys trying to sneak some away. With the way things were going, you wouldn't have been surprised if some turned out to be radioactive.

"Clubs are for primitive beings who can't make mighter weapons!" Zim exclaimed, waving a broken tripod leg around like the aforementioned weapon. "Zim if far too advanced for such things!"

"Not that kind of a club, Zim." Both you and Dib answered nearly simultaneously, earning a small smile from the boy. He was obviously trying to make an attempt at being friendly with Zim. Granted, he had been trying a little too hard that first week or so to the point you were even cringing. You even heard him ask for help on one of Mrs. Knough's infamous history essays, and everyone knew English and history was the boy's weakest subjects.

Thankfully, he realized that the drastic change was a bit too obvious, so he had tuned it down to just being civil. Zim, to his credit, was still mildly suspicious. But you swore you could tell he was slowly letting down his guard. 

Zim frowned, looking rather confused. "What do you mean? What other kinds of clubs are there?"

And that was probably why he was struggling with your English class. How could he accel so much in some subject and be completely oblivious in others? Some kind of learning disability? Was he autistic maybe? "A club can mean several different things, but in this case, it's a group of people gathered together for a common interest. A science club would be a group of kids who meet up regularly to learn more about one or more of the different sciences."

"There should be a club on the paranormal," Dib muttered more to himself. You found that he thought aloud _a lot_. Mumbling that sometimes grew louder the more excited he became until he was taking as loudly as Zim, with the occasional maniacal laugh that sent shivers down your spine "For Bigfoot. Ghosts. Aliens." There was a side glance towards Zim, who glared back at him. 

You knew a fight could break out any second, and you wanted to save the slight amicable mood that had fallen. "We could include, uh, the fringe sciences,” you quickly blurted out. “I'm rather curious about alternate realities and all that." For some reason both boys shuddered for a moment, piquing your curiosity, but neither seemed to want to divulge their thoughts so you continue on: "Besides, I think it's possible life has developed on other planets in the universe. I mean, it's kinda stupid to think to assume we are the only living being in the entire universe. Wasn't it one of Jupiter's moon they found some organic molecules? And then there is that theory that earth may have been insulated with life from a comet, so it's not complete lunacy."

You were not expecting the reactions that followed; Dib was looking at you like you just handed him definitive proof that confirmed aliens existed, and Zim's assessing look was far too serious for the manic child you were used to. It creeped you out for the few seconds of silence that existed. 

"YES! THANK YOU!" Dib erupted, a grin on his face as he pumped his fists. "My dad thinks I'm nuts for claiming aliens are real! Even with all my proof! But you believe they're real! You believe!"

Before you could debate about whether telling him you thought the _possibility _ of aliens and did _not_ believe they were visiting earth to probe people, Zim hummed thoughtfully. "You do seem rather intelligent for a disgusting human worm.” 

Your eyes narrowed, mood shifting quickly. "Yeah...that’s one extra night of detention for calling your teacher a disgusting worm."

Zim narrowed his eyes in return, returning your dark look. “You _dare_ give the mighty Zim detention?! I gave you a compliment!"

"Calling me a disgusting human worm is not a compliment,” you said calmly, reminding yourself Zim’s social skills were severely lacking, and he...probably didn't mean to insult you. “That is an insult." 

"But you are!"

"Two days of extra detention." PArt of you demanded more of a punishment, but the utter confusion in his face convinced you he really didn’t understand.

“ARGH!" Zim growled, throwing his hands up. "I take back every nice thought I had about you, you-you horrid flea monkey!"

Okay. Nope. Everything was off the table. "Three nights of detention and a three-page essay on how to address people civilly due Monday."

\---

Meyers picked his nose unabashedly, staring you right in the eye as he pulled a long piece out and wiped it on the underside of his rumpled blazer. "What are you doing here again?" He grumbled when he realized you weren't going to run in disgust. 

"Why don't we have a science club? Or any clubs for that matter?" You repeated for what seemed like the millionth time. You hadn't wanted to go to the principal when you first realized how lacking the school was in extracurricular activities outside of football and baseball. Nothing else. Just those two sports. A school this size should have much, much more for kids to do. 

So you asked just about every other teacher or staff member, even the ancient janitor in Hope's she would know, but she didn't. Everyone simply shrugged and went:

"I dunno," Meyers repeated the exact phrase as everyone else. "What would be the point? Besides wasting money."

"Point? Enriching the kids' education? Giving them something productive to do after school?"

"That's their parents' problems, not mine. Once that last bell rings those brats are no longer my problem."

For a long moment, you were too stunned to speak and just gaped. Not his problem? NOT HIS PROBLEM? "THIS IS WHY WE HAVE SCHOOLS!" You erupted. "TO TEACH CHILDREN. TO HELP THEM GROW AND FLOURISH."

He groaned, rubbing his face and displacing his toupe. "Will it make you leave me alone?"

"Absolutely."

"Fine. Sure. Whatever."

"Yes!" You pumped your fist. "Thank you!"

\---

"Dib!" Zim shouted as he found his former-but-yet-still-somewhat-of-a-nemesis Saturday afternoon. Which had required a lot of mental anguish, sending Gir on a five-hour-reconnaissance mission (which the small robot had actually yet to return from) before he had given up and dragged himself to the Membrane house. Of course, he wasn’t about to belittle himself by using the front door and ended up climbing over the fence surrounding the Membrane's back yard. As he suspected (and told Gir to check first) Dib was tinkering with the ruins of Tak ship. After Peace Day it had stopped working altogether, and it seemed like a lot of the Dib-worm's attention. "I require your assistance."

"If you're going to use me as a Guinea pig again, the answer is no." Dib crawled out of the engine space and faced Zim. There was a pause and he narrowed his eyes. "It was that, wasn't it."

"No!" Zim defended before pausing. "Well, I was going to but I may wait until after you help me with this stupid essay to attempt turning you into one of those yappy dog beasts."

He completely missed the dark look Dib shot him. "What, the mighty Zim can't write a paper on how to act civilly?"

"I can write a hundred papers on being civil!" He shot back rashly before pausing, raking his mind for an excuse. "But, uh, your human language is far too primitive to express such things correctly."

"Uh-huh," Dib said seconds before the Irken ship started to spark. There was snap crackle and pop before smoke started to trail upwards. "How about this: you help me with Tak's ship and I will help you with the paper."

"Ha! I will fix her ship and you will write the paper for me!"

"What? No! You'd probably put a bomb in it!"

"No, I would never!"

"Liar! You totally would!"

There was a beat before Zim grunted; "Okay, yes. I totally would."

"Ha! I'll _help_ you if you _help_ me."

"Okay, fine," Zim groaned in defeat. "Just help me Dib worm."

"And we can start there." Once he was sure nothing was going to catch on fire, Dib jumped down.

"Start where?" 

"Stop calling people worms for example," he pointed out, before leading him out of the garage and towards the house.

"I've called you Dib-worm since I landed on this disgusting planet and you never had a problem before."

"Because we were enemies, duh".

"Oh. Huh." He hadn't missed the past tense. He was still waiting for Dib to spring a trap. Surely his greatest enemy wouldn't just give up.

But then again. Things had...changed. While he was...strategically taking a hiatus from conquering the earth and re-evaluating...things. he had begun to study things more broadly other than just simply as an invader. And Dib's attitude had shifted as well. The human was being...friendly. but not disgustingly so, as Keef had been. 

It warranted more...investigation. He ignored that odd voice in his head that told them this was not how invasions were won, but the voice in his Squeedily Spooch that said it was a nice change of pace for once. Just like the odd teacher that seemed to actually pay attention to what was going on. So vastly different from the other fully matured beings on this planet that seemed so focused on their own sad pathetic lives they failed to see anything beyond their own noses. 

If the other pathetic were more like you, his mission would be vastly more difficult.


	3. MEETING OF DOOM

_Humas become very upset if you liken them to other disgusting earth animals. Like pigs, worms, eels, and hippos. Calling one a female dog, in particular, will cause humans to be thrown into irrational rage, even though humans general consensus is dogs are their best friends. _

_Humans who believe they are superior want to have inane titles like mister and miss when they have no designation like invader or scientist. It's a complicated notion of humans disgusting marriage status, though males are not bound to disclose their own status. _

_In conclusion: don't call humans disgusting worms, stinky bags of meat, imbecile beasts, or anything else. At least not to their face unless they're your arch-enemy._

That was just hilarious. You had to giggle as you set down the paper. Trying to follow Zim's thought-process was a wild ride, and you could tell he had help writing it.

But he had_ help_. Dib if you guessed right. It wasn't going to get a perfect score for it or anything. But you made a mental note to forgive his three extra detentions for it. 

At least it improved your Monday. Trying to get one of the half-dozen science teachers in on your plan had failed miserably. You honestly were starting to think you were the only teacher there to actually teach and not just make a paycheck, which was mediocre anyways. 

And what did you know about science? It was a hobby, sort of, of yours. But that was watching U-tune videos and reading the odd news article. 

But maybe you should at least give it a go. A quick internet search showed there were plenty of experiments you felt qualified to supervise. And you could always Koogle something if they asked a question you didn't understand.

\---

The science lab was clean, even slightly gleaming under the fluorescent lights. All in all, you were very impressed and told both boys so.

They beamed. Proud smiles and everything. "And, I have to say, while very...unorthodox, I did enjoy the essay."

"Ha! See, I told you it would work!"

"Sshhhh," Dib hissed, giving Zim what was supposed to be a meaningful look. 

You pretended not to notice, though you were sure your smile gave it away. "Anyways," you continued. "I'll forgive the extra detentions since you learned your lesson."

"YES! ZIM IS FREE OF THIS TORTURE! MWAHAHAHA!"

You frowned as he laughed, posing full-evil villain. "Zim. You still have three months of detention."

"Wait." The laughing stopped and he stared at you. "What? You just said--"

"I said the _extra _detention. You both have detention from fighting unless…"

"Unless?" Both Zim and Dib echoed eagerly. 

"Well, I do want to form that science club we talked about last week. If you guys agree to it, I just might trade one for the other."

"So, instead of detention, we would have to attend the club after school."

"Yes."

"Is that even legal."

"Well, I don't think it's_ illegal._ Besides, I'll talk to your parents about it at the upcoming conference."

You watched carefully, sure that Zim's odd-colored skin grew a paler shade, and Dib's already wide eyes widened a bit more. You saw Dib glance towards Zim with a frown. You had guessed their home lives weren't...idyllic, and you were eager to confront whatever kind of parents they had. 

"My parents are...going to be...sick," Zim said slowly, his eyes darting skittishly, refusing to look at anything for very long. 

"It's over a week from today," you answered. 

"They're still going to be sick."

"Yeah, his parents are sick…. A lot." Dib confirmed hurriedly, to the surprise of both you and Zim. Zim opened his mouth, probably ready to argue as a reflex. Dib shot him a look. "Aren't they, Zim."

"Y...yes." He agreed reluctantly. Suspiciously. "Yes, they are."

\---

"Why are you helping me, Dib-stink?' Zim asked as soon as they were close to the school doors, letting them out into the autumn evening.

"That isn't much better," he said, slowing down to let the shorter...being to catch up. He had noticed Zim hadn't grown any, and now he was nearly an inch taller. "And because…"

He paused. Why...was he helping Zim? "Because...if anyone gets to take credit for your discovery, it's going to be." It was the same reason he had been using all this time, but now it felt...kinda wrong. 

Zim was an alien, though no longer hellbent on taking over Earth. At least, not like before.he had been watching for weeks now for any sign of another maniacal plan of the invaders, and found nothing. 

Zim snorted, but he looked more relaxed. "Typical Dib...person." 

"But we need to come up with a plan. We both know eventually Miss Nemo is going to start asking questions. She's not like the others who will just accept any excuse you come up with."

"Grrr, I hate to admit it, but you might be...not...wrong." he spat out with some difficulty.

"You mean I'm right."

"NO! I just mean you're not wrong!"

"It's the same thing, Zim."

"HA! YOU'RE WRONG!" 

Dib rolled his eyes. "Whatever. But we need to figure out a better excuse for your parents being sick."

"Why? It's a classic human excuse. Human worms are absent all the time thanks to their horrible immune system! They are so weak and disgusting."

Dib bit his lips, wanting to remind the alien of his whole germaphobe phase, but thought better of it.

"Because you can't be sick all the time. It's suspicious."

Zim huffed again, but his lips were pressed together in thought. Dib decided that was at least a good start.

\---

It was a Parent-Teacher conference for the beginning of the school year. You had to put up with parents who were raging because of how you reportedly treated your student (aka, failing them because of their minimum effort; the best example was an F for an essay that was one paragraph. "It's still _one_ page!" was their defense, and you didn't know what to laugh or cry.)

Finally, you saw Dib's name next. You opened the door to your office, a professional smile on your face that faltered as soon as you saw the floating Vidscreen. 

"P-Professor Membrane!" You squeaked, feeling your heart suddenly hammering in your chest.

You knew Dib's last name was Membrane. You knew of Membrane labs and _the_ Professor Membrane. How could you not? You binged his videos, loved watching his eccentricities as he tried to explain whatever masterpiece he was working on. Never had you connected the dots until now when you were just realizing you were going to have a video chat with the most famous scientist since Hawking and Einstein. 

Now that you were trying to accept the idea that one of your problem children was Professor Membrane own child. They did have the same hairstyle, though a lot of people had copied it over the years. And everything else was hidden by his goggles and white lab coat.

"So who are you again?" He asked, head tilting to the side as you gaped wordlessly. "I'm afraid I can't remember the names of all my fans."

"I'm not a fan, well, I am, but that-that's beside the point. I'm Dib's English teacher. I'm sure he told you about the fact he has detention for virtually the rest of the year....” Oh lord. You gave Professor’s membrane's child detention.

_You encouraged Dib’s delusions of aliens_

Wait, if he was Membrane's child why was he...well, the way he was? You expected the child of such a renowned scientist, one of the most famous and important men in the world, to be less...Dib like. Or in such a horrid public school.   
You were so confused. 

“Ah, I thought Dib was just saying that to spend more time playing with his little foreign friend Zim.” 

“I-uh, not quite?” you answered slowly. Foreign friend? “They were fighting. Which happens. A lot.”

“Yes, they do have a good friendly rivalry going on.” He nodded agreeing. Was he... Did he really not know what was going on with his son? “They seem to fight just about every day.”

“Y-yeah, they do,” you found yourself agreeing, unable to disagree with Ione of the most intelligent beings on the planet. Even though you were starting to question a lot of things. “I’m actually trying to convince the Principal to start a science club, and I would like Dib to be able to join.” Dib had mentioned how difficult it was getting a signed form. Which you had worried about before, but now it made some sense. You were hoping a verbal 'ok' would be enough. 

And getting Professor Membrane to back you? Meyers couldn’t deny you now. 

“That sounds like a terrific idea!” He paused whatever he was doing and turned to give you his full attention. “Maybe that will distract him from that paranormal nonsense. You have my approval, Miss Nemo!”

"T-thanks!" You stuttered, feeling your face warm. "I-I thought I would forgive the rest of detention if he joined. But! Anyways! I don't want to take up all your time! About English, Dib is doing moderately well…"

You carried on, falling into more familiar territory. Professor Membrane was notably distracted for the most part but was still more engaging than some parents.   
"Thank you," Professor Membrane finally said once you were finished. "I'm glad he has a teacher that is as engaged as you are, Miss Nemo. I'm confident my son will learn much from you."

The line cut and the video screen floated away to the next teacher, leaving you rather stunned. To have the world's foremost leading scientist to have such hopes. In you. _You._ A literal nobody. 

How odd was your life? And how much stranger was it about to become?


	4. The Dreaded 'H' Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wish I could respond to everyone, you guys make my day every single time you comment. I've been struggling with some things so I don't have the energy like I should, but know I love every single one of you.

As you suspected the two nights of parent-teacher conferences came and went and Zim's parents were notably absent. By the time you headed back to your tiny apartment after the last night, a plan was forming in your mind. While you waited for the public bus, you were flipping through the list of emergency contacts for your students. It was easy to remember his last name, it was very...odd, to say the least.

_Irken, Zim_

You juggled your things to free your arm before calling the number listed as the bus pulled up. It rang a few times before it was answered with an odd groan. "For the last time, no we are _not _ordering the monthly thousand burritos package."

The voice was strange, but you couldn't quite place how. Were they using a filter or something, making it sound electronic? "Um, no. This is Miss Nemo, Zim's English teacher. Are you his father?"

"Argh!" The person all but gagged over the phone before swearing: "I have never been so insulted in my simulated life!"

"S-sorry?" you apologized slowly. You tried desperately to recall anything of Zim's family; a subject the boy never talked about. You couldn't recall him saying anything about a brother or any other family members that lived with them. "Did I dial the wrong number?"

"No, Zim lives here," he grumbled. "Unfortunately."

"But you're not his father." 

"No. I'm cursed with the existence of his computer."

His….computer? Either Zim was playing an elaborate prank, or he did have siblings but never mentioned them. Either way, it was giving you a headache as the boss pulled up and you gave a small apologetic smile to the bus driver as you swiped your bus card. "Look, can I just speak with one of his parents?"

"He has no parents," he started, making you frown before you were interrupted by a new voice. 

"HE HAS ME THOUGH!" A high pitched voice broke through, you could hear the mania in his voice as he continued: "I wanna order a million tacos! With extra habaneros!"

"No Gir! No more tacos!" The first person shouted before the line suddenly went dead, leaving you even more confused. You tried to comprehend what's happened the entire bus ride and resolving to call again tomorrow. Sure it was a Saturday, but you wanted _needed_ to get to the bottom of this.

\---

"You, again?" The odd electronic-sounding person groaned as soon as he answered. It was your second time calling since the odd conversation Friday night. You were determined to finally talk to whoever was caring for Zim. The person, who for some reason kept refrain to himself as 'Computer', continued to dodge and deny that there was such a person. Insisting there were no parent, aunts, uncles, guardians or even foster parents.

"I really need to speak to one of Zim's parents," you said firmly, refusing to back down this time. No more games. "Or guardian, or whoever is in charge!"

"Ugh, _fine._"

You are silently celebrating when electronic dance music suddenly began to blare, making you wince and pull it away from your ear. Was that...hold music? Why would a family need hold music?

"THIS IS ZIM!" Your student suddenly shouted as the music suddenly cut. "Who cares to interrupt me from my mighty schemes?!"

"It's me, Zim," you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. He wasn't exactly who you wanted to talk to, but maybe it was a step closer to talking to an actual parental figure.

"YOU ARE NOT ZIM! I AM ZIM!" He debated angrily, taking you by surprise. "I am the only Zim on this stinking planet, let alone the entire cosmos!"

"No, that's not…. I mean it's me, Miss. Nemo. Your teacher." You swore mentally, wishing for once something would be simple. "I need to speak with your parents or guardian, or whoever the adult is in charge." 

"Uhhhh..." There was a long period of silence before you could hear not-so-quiet whispering. "Computer! Activate the parent drones!"

You could hear the first voice groan, making you pause once more. Wait, was his name actually computer? _Was it actually an AI or something?_"Ugh, do I have to? They're so annoying…"

"Just do it!"

There was a crash and possibly a scream or manic laughter, perhaps both, before Zim cleared his throat. "Miss Nemo, my father." 

"I'm the man of the house," a new voice drawled slowly. "I wear the pants of the family."

"Uh, hi," you said, doubt evident in your voice. There was something definitely wrong here. "I'm Miss Nemo, and I..."

"Ever since the war, my arm has never been the same," he started as if you hadn't said anything, making your frown deepen. 

"I-I'm sorry to hear that, but I was calling about Zim and…"

"Zim is indeed my child. My quite human child."

What the heck? You kept your groan locked deep in your chest. You didn't know what was going on, but something was not right. "...can I come over to talk with you?" you asked weakly. 

"Well, the misses and I are quite busy. Our human child Zim is quite capable of taking charge of things."

"Yes, yes I am!" Zim interrupted. In the background, you heard a crash and a crazed laugh. "See, Miss Nemo I do actually have parents, and they are quite impressive parents. Now I gotta go do...human bonding...stuff with them. Okay bye!"

The line went dead, and you frowned at your phone. Something was definitely not right at the Irken household. And you weren't going to rest until you found out what. 

***

"Dib-human!" 

Zim's face suddenly appeared on Dib's laptop screen, replacing the article on Vampire Bee treatments he had been reading intently.

Dib jumped away from his desk with a scream, his chair tipping over and dragging him to the floor. 

"What the hell?" Dib wheezed as he pulled himself up. "Did you hack my computer?"

"Duh," somehow even with his pupil-less red eyes, he managed to roll them. "I...have rethought your offer for….help," Zim literally gagged for a moment, visibly flinching. "It appears you were not wrong about this new teacher's tenacity. 

"Say it with me, Zim. Dib, you were right."

"Gah!" it was hilarious to see the Irken shudder, going as far ass scratching himself ass if he was allergic to the idea. "We don't have time for this! I fear that the teacher of ours has begun to suspect that I have been deceiving the entire world all this time. Will you assist me or not?"

There was that old instinct to say no, to go see if he could convince someone of the truth. To turn him in and end everything right here. Right now.

Except how many times had he tried and failed? Would you be any different than literally every other adult he had tried to turn to? _To beat my enemy, I must become my enemy's friend. And you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. _

He was going to save the world. By helping his enemy. He hoped it was only in his head that sounded crazy. "Yeah, I'll help you."

"NGH! Don't say that word!" Zim hissed as if he had uttered the most profane word in the universe. 

"Whatever. I'm coming over so we can formulate a plan." 

"YAY!" He heard Gir yell in the background. "I'll go make waffles!" 

There was a pause and to Dib's embarrassment, his stomach growled. "Will he actually make ...waffles? Like human waffles?"

"Yes, he actually makes quite delicious human sustenance. Well, most of the time. Some times his recipes are ...off."

***

Dib was wary as he approached his enemy's fortress. The eye-laser drones all turned to face him, staring with creepy, unblinking eyes. He expected them to attack, to start shoot lasers or start sliding across the ground towards humans he slinked down the sidewalk that led to the door. But they just followed with their eyes, turning but otherwise unmoving. 

The doors opened, Zim's fake-parents looking down with their creepy smile. “Welcome home, son,” the greeted in unison, making Dib shiver slightly. 

“Dib human!” he heard Zim shout before the alien appeared between eh two robots. “Took you long enough!” 

“It was less than fifteen minutes!” he rebutted, following Zim inside. “I literally ran!”

“You still took too long. We must improve my parent-drones before I am discovered!” 

“YAY!!! Master’s arch-enemy came for dinner!” Gir screeched as they entered what was supposed to be a kitchen. The place was a disaster, with batter and other dried...stuff, Dib wasn’t quite sure if it was food or an experiment gone wrong that plastered the walls and ceiling. The little robot was without his dog costume and had a chef’s hat on that was as tall as he was, and was adding to two towering plates of waffles. 

“How…?” Dib started, trying to figure out how many waffles Gir could make in fifteen minutes, and then decided not to question it. He had long accepted when it came to Gir, reality itself seemed to warp around the strange robot. 

“First off,” he decided to start off with instead as he took a place at the table that was stained with even more questionable substances. “Could you install some legs on them? You know, ones that look like actual human legs? And can walk and not roll? And maybe some facial recognization software so they don’t greet everyone as 'son'?”

Zim frowned, steepling his gloved fingers as he peered at Dib across the table. “I didn’t ask for your criticism, Dib stink-human. I asked for…” he trailed off, unable to say ‘help’ again.

“Here’s a new idea, Zim. Constructive criticism is helping. You have to know what’s wrong before you can fix it.” 

He watched as Zim struggled with his thoughts. Was it really for the Irken to admit he needed help? Or that he wasn’t as great and mighty as he proclaimed to be?

Wait. This was Zim. Who was Dib kidding? Zim had so bloated of an ego he was surprised it fit on earth in the first place. The fact he was asking for help had to be one huge blow to his pride and ego. Let alone going to his worst enemy. 

Gir plopped the two towers of waffles on the table before the boys, quickly supplying a bottle of mustard and sriracha sauce as well. Dib had written off as Gir being Gir before he saw Zim take the two condiments and start drenching the waffles. “What?! You’re seriously putting that on your waffles?” 

Before Zim could argue, the doorbell rang. Both Zim and Dib froze, staring at each other in shock for a second before Gir screamed ‘I’ll get it!” and dashing to the door despite both boys screaming “NO!” in unison.


	5. The Stupid Obligatory Backstory

You decided you were just going to bite the bullet. You looked up at the teal-colored house, triple checking the address. This was the place and it looked as eccentric as Zim himself. 

You swore the lawn gnomes followed you with their wide eyes as you walked down the sidewalk. You took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. 

It was only a few moments before the door slid open, and two gangly robots slide into view. The male looked like it was from the 1950s while the female-like zombie looked as if a toddler had dressed her with a pink tutu over her clothes. "Welcome home, son." They chimed in unison, staring towards the road with blank eyes. 

Before you could say anything, something small but fast came shooting out of the darkness and plowed into you, knocking you on the ground. "HI!" It screeched, leaving you rather flummoxed as you realized it was yet another robot but in a neon-green dog costume. 

"Gir!" Zim shouted as he and Dib appeared in the doorway between the two robots. You sat up, giving the boys a hard look as you sat in the dirt, Gir still clinging to you, and you weren't sure if he was hugging you or if he was trying to strangle you. 

You looked at the robot's unsealing eyes that stood on either side of the boys, their fake smiles, and felt a pain in your chest. You looked at Zim, who was trying hard not to be nervous. "What are those?" You asked, trying not to be accusing but open. Truthfully you feared the answer. Things were clicking into place into a picture you had not expected. 

"These are my 100% completely human and completely normal parents!" He announced with absolute confidence and Dib could only face-palm, realizing how ridiculous the lie was. 

So that was why every time you tried to talk about his home-life he shied away. And the fake answers and diversions you received when you tried to call. "...how long ago did you run away?" you asked softly and saw both boys eyes widen in surprise before Zim covered his with anger.

"Zim never runs away! Invaders do not run away, they run to!"

Dib shook his head in exasperation and you could hear his faint groan muffled by his hand. You worried your lip as you thought, trying to decide which way to proceed was the best and least likely to cause an uproar. Granted, in this case, there was probably no safe question, so you decided to just plow ahead. "So your parents abandoned you too.?

That struck a nerve as Zim noticeably flinched. You even saw Dib flinch in sympathy. "I was...I was not _abandoned, _human scum!" he seethed, his eyes narrowing. "The mighty Zim needs no one!" 

"Can I come inside to talk?" You asked as you stood up, allowing Gir to drop to the ground, your mind whirling. No wonder he was the way he was. Desperate for approval but loner by nature. You figured even his odd personality quirks could stem from abandonment issues.

There was a scowl on his face but and you were convinced he was about to say no when a nudge from Dib and a look somehow convinced him. Zim nodded stiffly before returning inside, walking past the two robots that turned and followed obediently. Dib waited for you and stayed by your side once you entered. The place was a mess. Not dirty, but the structure. It looked like someone literally built it with a vague idea of what a house should look like. 

Gir rushed past you, jumping into the couch and turning on the tv. If Zim noticed he said nothing, just as you said nothing about the toilet in the kitchen. There were only two chairs at the small table, so you leaned against it instead while your students took the chairs. The silence was only broken by the cartoons playing in the living room. Zim was trying to look at ease, though failing as he could hardly keep still. Dib was just staring at the table, no doubt expecting a lecture. 

No parents. No Guardian. A house that looked like a poor imitation of what it was supposed to look. 

"I was about your age when I was abandoned," you finally broke the silence. Dib's eyes were wide in shock, while Zim's eyes were narrowed with suspicion. You hadn't shared this with anyone since you left the foster system, but you felt like you had to now. Now that someone else was going through it too. "I was in my first year of junior high. Granted, it took me a month to figure out my parents weren't coming back. They would leave me for several days in a row as soon as I could use a microwave. Then one day they simply never came back." 

"You were able to defend and provide for yourself," Zim sneered. "They-"

"Zim," you interrupted. "That may be how animals are, but not us. We have become the dominant species because we nurture our young. We teach them and help them until they can thrive, not just survive. Granted, you have done pretty well for yourself, but it wasn't right for them to leave you all alone." 

"Are you going to report him?" Dib asked suddenly. "You know, like the police or whatever?"

Zim's eyes widened as he looked between you and Dib frantically. It was easy to see the fear in his eyes. 

You knew what you should do. What the law told you to do. But you had been through that and knew how horrible it could be. And Zim was already troubled to begin with. You could only imagine how it would affect him. 

You shook your head. "No, the system is too messed up. And Zim has been doing rather well." Except for the waffles with mustard and sriracha sauce you just noticed, making you gag slightly. "But I want to offer my help. You're not alone anymore, you got me on your side."

"I don't need your worthless help, human!" He rebutted angrily. "I have survived on my own all my life! The might Zim needs no one!"

"Everyone needs someone," you added softly, pulling the spiral-bound notebook over to write your information. "If, for any reason, you need or just want something, call me, text, whatever. Show up at 3 am in the morning for all I care. Just know you have someone on your side. Other than Dib." You gave Dib a smile, and he looked rather guilty, oddly enough.

"I don't need pathetic human worms on my side," Zim defended, though not a hotly as his earlier rebuttals. "What _help_ could you be to me anyway?"

You shrugged as you pushed the notebook back towards him. "Meh, homework questions? Granted, you're scores are pretty decent. Except for English and history." To be honest, you were sure his math skills far exceeded yours along with his scientific understanding. But his English and history scores were virtually failing. 

"Who wants to learn your primitive language and pathetic earth history anyways?"

You missed Dib’s warning look that he shot towards Zim and shrugged your shoulders, far too used to his eccentricities to question them. "Well if you used proper English and grammar, you might be taken a little more seriously." Which was probably the last thing the world needed, but you saw his expression turn thoughtful. "And those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

There was silence, and you considered your own words. Was this why you were so intent to help these boys? Because no one had been there for you when you experienced your own struggle. 

Perhaps. 

“Fine. I’ll accept your...assistance.” 

\----

After you left, muttering to yourself about finding some simple cookbooks, silence hovered between Zim and Dib. 

"Well...that went better than expected." Dib finally said, looking at the notebook you had scribbled in. 

"She thinks the mighty Zim was abandoned like some weak smeet!" Zim argued, gesturing towards the door you had left through. "I am a fully-fledged invader! It's embarrassing!"

"You’re the one who took the disguise of a human _child,_" Dib pointed out. "Besides, didn't your leaders banish you here anyways?"

Zim froze, the anger disappearing in a puff as he slumped into his chair. Dib found he regretted his words as Zim's mood became somber. He may be his enemy, but that was a low blow. "Well, before they got sucked into the florpus hole. That'll teach them to mess with you, right?" He had no clue if that would help or not, and for a long moment, he was leaning towards the not as Zim stared at the pile of waffles. 

Suddenly his gloved hand clenched into his fist, a manic smile spreading across his face. "Yes. They will learn not to cross the mighty Zim! I will make them regret making me into a fool! Me! The greatest invader the cosmos has ever known! I'll prove that I don't need the Irken Armada to conquer this stinking planet!"

"That's-that's not where I was going with that," Dib started. That was not what he wanted. He was supposed to turn Zim away from his world conquest, not encourage it. 

"You had a brilliant idea for once, Dib Human, don't ruin it!" Zim laughed maniacally. "We will take this festering stink hole and turn it into an empire! And we will use to squish the so-called Tallest for disrespecting me!"

Dib cursed to himself as he covered his eyes, hanging his head in his hands. He just doomed the earth. Again. 

\---

The day proved to be an agonizing Monday. Every single class was a struggle. You were half-way tempted to forgive Dib and Zim's detention just so you could go home and sleep. 

"Zim, Where did you get those robots anyways?" you asked instead. the question had been bugging you ever since you had left his home yesterday. "The price tags on those have to be in the hundreds of thousands."

Your question was met with a heavy silence, making you groan. "Please tell me you didn't steal them."

"What? No! I did not _steal_ them, you stupi-" You glared at him, and he paused for a moment before trying again. "It's a stupid idea that I, the mighty Zim, would steal from pathetic hu-" Dib elbowed him sharply in the side, giving him a look as well. Zim growled in frustration. "Fine! No, I didn't steal them. Happy? I created the parent drones and Gir, well, he was a--a gift." 

You watched him for a moment, trying to pick up any traces of lying. Except he was only pouting and grumbling under his breath. Dib looked as exasperated as you felt. But no trace of deceit. "So. What do you guys feel about robotics for our science club?"

Both parked up a little, making you feel more confident. "I mean, we need to start somewhere and if robotics and engineering are right up your alley…"

"PATHETIC human! Zim will easily crush you with my amazing robotics skills! I was building war mechs since before you were born!"

Yep. That was definitely a passion for him. Though you were concerned about the whole 'war' thing, but you allowed it to slide for now. Instead, you looked towards Dib. "What about you?"  
"The paranormal is my favorite topic," he started with a shrug. "But I'm pretty good at building things too." 

You reminded yourself this was Professor Membrane's son. He probably knew more… scratch that. They both probably knew more on this than you. But if Zim was already building bots, and Dib was Membrane's son, then this wouldn't be hopeless.

"Alright then!" You clapped your hands, putting on a smile. "Let's Koogle some projects we can work on together." 

\---

It was a Wednesday morning. Usually, Professor Membrane entered the kitchen to find two bleary-eyed children grumbling about the early morning or some school assignment due. 

This morning. He only found one child, who was eating her cereal in silence.

"Where's your brother?" He sighed, already turning to drag the boy out of bed when Gaz's words made him pause.

"In the garage with Zim," she grumbled between bites. "He never went to bed last night."

"What?" Professor Membrane pause, trying to remember last night. He had opened Dib's door enough to assure he hadn't been on his laptop but hadn't checked to see if he was in_ bed. _

"Something about some stupid science project. I was hoping he was dissecting Zim or the other way around, but it's just a stupid robot they're working on."

"You mean...my boy is actually doing real science?" Surely he was dreaming. Dib had never expressed any interest in any real science since he discovered conspiracy theories. The boy used to be an avid astronomer until he learned of aliens. 

"Yeah, I guess."

He couldn't help himself. He had to see this. He left Gaz to her own devices and hurried out to the garage. The door was open, and the supposed space ship was sitting abandoned in the back. Both Dib and Zim were bent over one of their laptops, working on virtual blueprints. And not fighting. Today had to be a dream. If he had believed in God's, he would be thanking it. But such things were unscientific. 

He was half tempted to let them be but knew he couldn't. School at this point was more important. "You two have an hour until school," he announced as he entered. 

Both boys looked up, dark circles beneath their eyes but barely looking tired. "Already?" Dib groaned, checking his watch. 

"I think we have a good premise for Miss Nemo," Zim stated. "Though I still think a fission fueled power cell would be better."

"And those are kind of expensive and, you know, virtually unheard of. We can't be too obvious about it. It's supposed to be a middle school project."

"Let's stay away from nuclear power until you boys are older," Membrane agreed, peering at the schematics on the screen. "What are you two working on anyways?" 

"A simple rover," Dib explained. "It's for the science club detention thing Miss Nemo started. There's this inner-city competition she figured we could enter. Schematics are due Thursday, but our problem is not making it too, you, grandiose."

"Their qualifications are so simple it's laughable! The mighty Zkm could have built this when I was a sme ...small baby," he clarified as Dib looked at him. 

He had a vague recollection about you saying such things during his video conference. It had caught his attention enough he actually focused on you and not his project. The other teachers blathered on redundantly that he barely paid attention. But you...you were obviously different. 

"I'm proud that you boys are working on this together," he said, putting a hand on Dib's shoulder. "If you need anything, let me know. But it's time for you two to get ready for school."

Dib smiled up at him, reminding him of that odd hallucination he had after being hit in the head. He had been trying to be more supportive since then, and the awe and happiness on Dib's face made it well worth the effort. He regretted it had taken such drastic lengths to realize the rift that had formed between him and his son. 

But he could work on it. It wasn't too late.

\---

You looked at the blue-prints they boys presented, really wishing you knew more about robotics. This was more than a bit over your head.

"So, it looks good!" You said with a smile. "You think you guys are up to it? I don't know how much assistance I will be."

You kinda wished more students had expressed interest in the science club idea, but as soon as the few kids showed up, saw Zim and Dib, they vanished. Apparently, the boys' reputation preceded them, which only made you more determined to help them succeed. 

"Please, the mighty Zim could do this with my eyes close…"

Which, they were. Instead of being full of energy as usual, he was half asleep with head resting on the table. Dib propped his head with his hands, his eyes half opened and unfocused. "What is up with you two?"

"Stayed up working on that," Dib muttered. "Couldn't let Zim give himself away."

You frowned, confused, but chalked it up to him being half asleep. "You know what. You guys have been doing so good, and we have a plan for the competition. So, I want you to go home and get some sleep."

"Sleep? The mighty Zim doesn't need sleep!" Zim stirred enough to point a finger towards the ceiling. 

"Your eyes are closed, and you've been using the third person all day. You need sleep, Zim."

Zim opened an eye, blearily trying to focus for a moment before giving up. "I suppose Zim, I, could use some sleep." 

You smiled, shutting your pad off. "Ok. Go home, rest, and I'll see you tomorrow and we'll discuss where to start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just saying this now: I know nothing about robotics or anything like that. I dabble in science but I'm a nurse. Ask me a question about the human body or meds and I can answer you. Anything about electronics, nope. So if you STEM experts out there get too annoyed with my horrid writing, let me know how I could improve/fix.


	6. Six: Wait. Is this actual progress?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. I started to add more and more, toyed with the idea of scrapping it all together and starting it a new, but decided 'oh, it's good enough.'
> 
> All because Grammarly said it was 'engaging' but not 'very engaging.' Hopefully you guys disagree!

This was a lot more difficult than you expected. 

You were slumped in your living room late at night, chewing on the end of your stylus while trying to decipher the boy's schematic. You had tried every teacher in the middle school in hopes that they would help, but no such luck. It wasn't their problem so they had no intention of helping. It was so frustrating you did give in to the urge to scream in the breakroom, to the disturbance of the other teachers and the handful of teaching assistants. 

You had no clue who to turn to. The boys seemed to know what they were doing, but you felt at a loss. You were a teacher, you should know how to help and not trust in your brilliant but disturbed students. If only you knew someone who handled these kinds of things. An adult that worked in the field or at least hobby in it. 

You blamed the frustration and exhaustion for the idea that suddenly sprang to life in your sleep exhausted mind. And the bottle of alcohol you had been sipping at for actually sending the message.

\----

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Science club 
> 
> First off, I want to apologize for sending you an email on something rather off-topic, but I have no other options. I completely understand if you refuse, so don't feel indebted at all.
> 
> Dib is doing fantastically, I should add. I have seen such a huge improvement since the start of the year and even since our conference. I'm very proud of him. Not that I am trying to be a stuck-up or anything. It's just an observation I thought I would share since I am troubling you.  
The problem I am facing is I started this science club in the hope of helping Dib as well as other children who needed an extracurricular activity that wasn't physical sports. And Dib as well as my other students are interested in science; or more correctly, robots. Now, not to say less of my colleagues but their schedule cannot accommodate my requests, and I am rather limited to robotics itself
> 
> Essentially what I am asking is if you know someone or some organization that would be able to help me with checking over the boys' work or answering any problems we may encounter. I know with your expertise in the field has probably led you to many connections and resources I would be oblivious to. If you could point me in the right direction, I would be eternally grateful. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this far. And for everything.
> 
> Miss Nemo

\----

Professor Membrane was fairly certain this was the first time any of his children's teachers had willfully contacted him outside of the usual_ 'Dib is making wild accusations about aliens/ghosts/bigfoot’_ and _'Gaz is terrorizing the entire school, teachers included. Please for the love of God control your hellspawn.'_

No. This was a positive email, and it was a fascinating change. He was impressed, truthfully. For you to go out of your way so much just to help Dib and Zim (Dib had mentioned him and his friend were the only members of the club once) were extraordinary. 

He hummed to himself as he analyzed the feeling. It was a long time since he held respect for someone in a non-scientific field. Or anyone, really. 

He went to call the ML Human Resources, only pausing when he saw the time. Three in the morning. He frowned, he should had went upstairs hours ago to check to make sure his kids were in bed. He sighed, forcing himself to find a place to pause his experiments for the night before returning to the main part of the house.He was trying to be a better father, going as far as reading self-help books and how-to tutorials for single fathers. 

But the scientist within scoffed at most of it, and he hadn't actually finished one yet, becoming either too aggravated or bored to actually complete one. 

Besides, his children were far from average. They had done sufficiently this far. He did need to spend more time with them, to be 'nurturing' towards their interests, even if they were… well, insane.

Speaking of which, Dib was in bed tonight, laptop sitting on his side table but turned off. Drawings and posters of Gould, aliens, vampires, and creatures he had no name for watched blankly as he stepped inside and moved to plug the computer in for the next day. He paused to watch Dib as he slept, remembering those first few days after he had brought him home.

_Now what? _ Had been his biggest question, and it still refused to be sufficiently answered. There was no define right or wrong, or set guidelines on raising kids. The experience was unlike any other experiment. 

It wasn't an experiment anymore, he reminded himself. This was more than solving the universe's mysteries, curing diseases that had plagued mankind. This was _life._

After straightening out the dark blanket and laying a hand briefly on his boy's head, he went across to Gaz's room, filled with virtually every gaming system and bookcases of video game cases. She too was wrapped up beneath her covers fast asleep. His colleagues said little girls were harder to raise than boys, and he wavered between agreeing and disagreeing. At least Gaz had a reasonable obsession. Even he could see the allure of video games, and made a habit to play with her at least a few hours every week. 

Now if she would stop terrorizing the rest of the population, he would argue she was virtually perfect. 

He was shifting bed when the thought finally crossed his mind. _What is she doing up at this hour anyways?_

\---

As soon as he woke the next day, Professor Membrane sent inquiries to his colleagues and the human-resource department about your request, and was rather disappointed when they commented that there wasn’t anything like you had requested.

_ “Sir, we have multiple U-Tune videos and the television series. Enough to entertain children and sell our action figures.”_

_“But what about schools. Don’t we have any resources for them?”_

_His assistant looked a little pale. “Well, not exactly sir. We never really saw a need for it.” _

_“Nonsense. Obviously, you do not have children in the public school system. I want a new division set up. Reach out to the local schools and survey their scientific extracurricular activities and what resources they need.”_

\---

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Science Club 
> 
> I am saddened to say that we are still in the process of setting up a resource program for projects such as yours. However, seeing as my son is involved, I would be happy to help as an advisor for the project. I will take a look at the boy's plans tonight and I will assist with any supplies that the school is unable to provide. 
> 
> Dr. Professor Membrane.

\---

Holy shit.

You stared at the short email for some time during your lunch break, your food temporarily forgotten. You had been excited enough when you saw he had responded, and not just an automated reply either. 

But this? Professor Membrane was going to help you himself. The Professor Membrane! You started to hyperventilate as you sat your tablet down. This was a lot more than you had expected; let alone dream of. 

How the hell did this happen to you? A nobody? Your life had just taken another odd turn and you weren't sure how to handle it.

\---

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Science club
> 
> I am absolutely flattered and honored at your offer, sir. However, I can only imagine how busy you are, and I don't want to interfere with your schedule. I am sure I can find someone to trouble so I don't have to pester you with my inane questions. Thank you again, but I don’t want to be a nuisance to you. 

\--

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Re: Re:Science Club 
> 
> Nonsense! I enjoy the idea, plus it gives me a way to connect with both Dib and his friend. I am eager to work with you further in the future, Miss Nemo.  


\----

Gaz froze at the door to the kitchen, her eyes turning wide in a brief flare of fear.

Her dad. Dib. And Zim. All sitting at the kitchen table, looking over 3D schematics of some kind of rover. No yelling. No Dib trying to convince dad of Zim being an alien. No theatrics from the said alien. Nothing but quiet contemplation.

The world was doomed.

Awesome. Her eyes returned to their usual size as she gave a small smile at the idea. Finally something interesting. It had been too boring these last few months. 

"Are you sure we can't add a laser?" Membrane finally asked, ending the silence. "It's the most practical means for guidance and targeting."

"You read the requirements. No lasers. Plus it would be too much for the battery. We're already pushing it."

"Well if you let me put a fission fuel cell there, we would have enough power for a _million lasers_ to destroy our enemies with!"

Dib sighed and rubbed his nose. "For the last time Zim. We're not using a nuclear power cell and _it isn't a weapon._ It's supposed to be for exploration _only._"

"Explore our enemies world and then _destroy them_!" 

Zim started with the maniacal laughter until Gaz decided it was too much and threw a cookie at him. "It's too early for that, Zim. Shut up."

"Now daughter, throwing food at our guest isn't nice."

"But his voice is so annoying."

\----

Whispers and rumors erupted around the school the next day about a surprise renovation in the science corridor disturbingly close to the room you had been using. When you finally were able to take your lunch, you slipped down the hall where your reclaimed science lab.

People in white coats and hard hats with _Membrane Labs_ logos were working installing things you had no names for. The dingy stained work stations had been replaced with sleek new counters with built-in computers. The dim lighting was now at least five times brighter. The broken metal cabinets and cupboards were replaced, and it looked like they were stocked to the brim. 

Professor Membrane said he would be willing to donate supplies and equipment. You wondered if Dib told him exactly how bad their little club room was. 

Still. This was even more professional than the one at the college you attended. 

"Miss Nemo!" Principle Meyers appeared beside you, which only shocked you more. The man _never_ left his office when there was a chance he would have to interact with the students. His face was darkened considerably, becoming a garish red-purple color. "I'm told _you_ are the person to thank for this." His words could be construed as something positive if he hadn't spat it out as if they were disgusting. "I let you have your little weirdo club, but that wasn't enough, was it? You had to try to upstage everyone else and got that psycho's father involved."

"Dib isn't a psycho," you replied, losing your fear as your temper grew. 

"Not him, his sister: Gaz Membrane!" He spat, confusing you. "Obviously you haven't heard of her, otherwise you would steer clear of that family! I have a few more years before she darkens this school! But you had to taint that with involving _him_." 

You were honestly at a loss for words. You had a vague memory of Dib saying something about a younger sister, but that was it. 

Before your mind could process the fact this man seemed scared of an elementary-aged child, you watched as anger turned to surprise fear before Meyer's face adopted it's plastered smile and he tried to stand a little taller. "Professor Membrane! I-I didn't know you were coming, or I would have met you at the door, sir!"

You froze, unable to turn or do anything as your mind blanked. Maybe Meyers was playing with you. No, you saw the flash of terror of possibly being caught on his face. "I cannot thank you enough for choosing our school for your grant program," Meyers continued to blather. "We do our best, but some of our equipment is a bit outdated."

_It was outdated in the sixties,_ you thought to yourself as your mind switch from shock to annoyance. Watching him be such a suck-up to the man who'd children he had just been trashing was disgusting. 

"You can thank Miss Nemo," a familiar voice spoke. and that's when your heart decided to skip a beat, and all your blood wanted to pool behind your face. "I was looking for her actually, have you happen to see her?"

Oh. Your back was turned. Granted he wouldn't recognize you anyways. You never met face to face, just that one video chat during the parent-teacher conference. Meyers was giving you a hard look, and you suppose you could turn around and introduce yourself. But you were scared. After doing a skip, your heart decided to imitate a jackhammer in your chest. 

All you had to do was just turn around and introduce yourself. 

Just turn around and say hi.

_FOR THE LOVE OF LITERATURE, JUST TURN AROUND. _

"May I introduce you then?" Meyer broke through your panic attack, his greasy fingers landing on your shoulders and forcibly making you turn. You would’ve thanked him if you didn't know where those fingers liked to reside. Mainly up his….

...

Woah. 

You hadn't realized how tall Professor Membrane was. You looked up at him, unable to see his eyes that were behind his lab goggles, and the rest of his face hidden by his lab coat. The only hint of surprise you could see was his black eyebrows that raised for a small moment. 

He offered a hand clad in a black lab glove, his voice rather warm: "Miss Nemo. It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

"Y-yeah. Y-you too!" You stuttered, accepting the gesture and mentally screaming. Your hand. Professor Membrane was shaking your hand. Strong and firm, though a little cold oddly enough. It was probably just his gloves, however. "I, uh, thanks. For uh, everything, and, um, this is, this is a lot." You gestured towards the room. "I-I can't thank you enough. I mean I wasn't even planning on something remotely like this. I don't even know what to do or say and…"

"I think you've said plenty." Meyers all but pulled you back by the hand still on your shoulder and pushed you aside so he could place himself in the spotlight. You thought you saw Membrane's eyebrows furrow slightly, or maybe you were projecting your annoyance. "Miss Nemo is exceptionally tenacious when she gets an idea planted in her head. And she is very...outside the box when it comes to her students."

You were fairly sure those were supposed to be insults. "All of our teachers here at Innercity Middle Skool are passionate about our students' education. We encourage them to push themselves and do whatever they need to succeed…" he continued on, giving the same spiel that he had given you when you had applied. You had been excited then. 

Now you saw it for the lie it was. 

"Right…" Professor said slowly, obviously doubtful, which helped you feel vindicated. His head tilted, the only gesture that his attention had returned to you. "I must return to the labs before my assistants do something insane like releasing the radioactive ducks again. But I wanted to give you this in person." He withdrew a sleek white card, "On there is my personal phone number in case of any emergencies. I know how those two are."

The card was sleek, feeling less like paper and more like metal.before you could inspect it more, the class bell suddenly blared through the halls. You pocketed the card quickly and gave the professor a smile. "Thank you again everything, Professor Membrane. It really means a lot to me. I have to hurry as well; before my students think they can destroy my classroom."

You rushed down the hall, both knowing that your class after lunch was especially rowdy. But also trying to sooth the emotions broiling within your chest. You had Professors Membranes card. His number. His personal number. 

God, how did your life become like this?

\----

Meanwhile, Professor Membrane caught himself staring as he watched you disappear down the hall, his gaze never leaving your figure even as the halls filled with rambunctious teens and preteens. “Fascinating,” he muttered to himself.

He found it… cute? Was that the word for that? Your face darkened by a blush as you stammered over your words. He had more than a few adoring fans who had stuttered shyly when he interacted with them. But those were usually forced by his PR department and quickly forgotten.  
But what was more fascinating how it had faded as soon as the principal started to talk (he had already forgotten the man's name, and he was still talking apparently, his voice a nasal drone amongst the chattering students). Your emotions played so vividly on your face, he had stopped paying attention to the man just to watch you roll your eyes, knitting your eyebrows when the principal said something especially stupid. 

This was going to be interesting in more ways than one. 

“I will assure that one of our science teachers attend the Science club’s meetings from here on out. After all, an English teacher knows nothing about using a Benson burner or mixing chemicals or whatever else they may do.”

That caught the Professor's attention, making him frown as he turned back to the man. Besides the fact, he highly doubted the man in the outdated business suit even knew how to light a Bunsen burner. Did he not know what the boys were attempting? Or the fact that Zim was surprisingly adept with technology, and Dib, while trying to build his ‘alien’ ship in the garage, had become rather skilled at welding and wiring. He highly doubted any middle school teacher would be able to help them, English or not. He had employees that knew less, after all. 

“I don’t that will be necessary,” he finally answered. “In fact, I highly discourage it. I don’t think Dib or Zim would accept the intrusion.”

He turned to leave, mind already changing gears to the projects back at Membrane Labs. Trying to find a way to ‘de-radiate’ a flock of ducks was proving to be rather problematic. Especially when they kept escaping. His assistant swore that they didn’t release them, but how else did they escape the lead-enclosure?

“All of our teachers are fond of-- of those two.” The principle apparently thought it was okay to continue to follow the professor down the hall, continuing to talk as he dodged the students, who simply got out of Membrane’s way as he walked down the halls. “They’re very, uh, entertaining.”

“Right,” Professor Membrane said doubtfully. He loved his son, for all of his quirks. But he was not blind. Dib would, was, is, a horrible student. Every single teach he had said the same thing. 

Until you. 

And Zim ...well, he wasn’t sure where he came from, but he had doubts that he was an exceptional student. Intelligent, absolutely. But he was also absurd, annoying, loud, chaotic, among other things. How an why you decided to take them under your wing he wasn’t sure, but it was a mystery he was rather fond of. 

And above all else, he didn't want to interfere with whatever experiment you were running with the boys. Not when your results were proving to be highly promising.


	7. Seven: Moar Bonding...Stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hasn't gone through Grammarly yet, so it may be a bit worse than usual. But I really wanted to get it out today!

You were surprised when you saw the science teacher, Boltzmann if you remember right, was already set up in the new science workshop when you entered. He looked like he was playing with the different computer controls at the workstation, his face lit up in an odd smile. “Um, sorry,” you called out as you put your bag down. “But I have this room reserved for my club.” 

He looked up, the smile growing wider. And creepier. “Ah, the infamous Miss Nemo. I meant to email you that I’ll take care of the science club from here on out.” 

Your jaw dropped, not just by his words but by his sheer audacity. “Excuse me?” you managed to get out. Surely you misheard. Did he honestly think he could just...just swan in an take over like that? When less than a week ago he had laughed in your face when you asked for help. 

_"I don't want anything to do with that," he later spat when he stopped laughing and realized you had been serious. "I've degraded myself enough working as a middle school teacher, you think I want to completely shatter my reputation?"_

“Well a workshop such as this is no place for a woman,” Boltzmann continued, only shocking you more. “And Principle Meyers agreed that I would be much more suitable than an English teacher. Besides, we both know it takes a firm hand when it comes to Dib and Zim, and I doubt a lady with your temperament is suitable to deal with them appropriately.”

“Excuse you?" Your temper stirred as you walked closer, slamming your hand on the tabletop. "I’ve been handling them just fine, thank you very much. While I appreciate your offer for help, I don’t think I will be needing your assistance.”

He laughed as if you told a particularly funny joke. “Oh Miss Nemo, letting those brats do what they want is not how you deal with children like them. It's such a newbie mistake.”

“Uh, Miss Nemo?” Dib asked, entering the room. Zim was silent as he studied the new room, a gleam of approval in his eye as his black glove traced the countertop. Dib, however, was more focused on you and Boltzmann . “What’s going on?

“I’ll be in charge of the club from now on,” Garuna’s whole demeanor changed. His vapid smile fell and his eyes became hard. find your places. I hear this is also your detention, so we're scrapping that silly rover idea. Instead we will start with the basics of coding. You two are far too inexperienced to be attempting such a thing."

Zim's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed as he gave a literal hiss. "You dare call me inexperienced, you disgusting human? I was developing technology before you discovered how to shove a pencil up your nose."

"Zim…" you groaned, and Dib mirrored your expression. Boltzmann however developed an even darker look as he all but snarled.

"I will have you suspended if you continue to insult your superiors like that!" He snarled. "I will be making a call to your parents tonight!"

Zim started to cackle, which was never a good sign. You placed a hand on his shoulder, when really you wanted to press it over his mouth to prevent him from digging himself any deeper. "I will, um, escort him home myself. Right now. I had a meeting with his parents today anyways."

Zim looked up at you suspiciously and you tried to give a meaningful look. Thankfully Dib stood on his other side and elbowed him. You swore those two could communicate on looks alone. "And Dib has to join us." You found yourself saying, unwilling to leave the poor boy in Boltzmann 's hands. 

"Now wait here," Boltzmann started, but you were already pushing the boys towards the door. "Principle Meyers…"

"Yes, yes. You can have them tomorrow! Okay, bye!" You gave a faux grin before slamming the door shut. 

"Now what?" Dib asked as the three of you hurried down the empty halls. 

"I'm working on that bit," you admitted. 

"I think we should show that pathetic humans who he's dealing with," Zim snarled. "To insult us like that! Even Dib is smarter than that stupid human!"

"Thanks? I think?" 

"He may try calling your house," you mused, deciding to let his comment to slip. He had been doing so well when he was with you, and it made sense to slip back into old habits when he was upset. Never mind you toyed with the idea of unleashing the two at their worst and see how he managed that. "Can you call your...computer and tell him not to answer?" 

A slender metal rod extended from his odd backpack, ending in a small microphone. "Computer! Ignore any phone calls until I return to the base."

"Only if you say please!" Gir's voice crackled through the small speaker, making Zim growl.

"DAMN IT GIR! NOT NOW!"

"Okay then, I'm gonna order a thousand burritos from the next caller!"

Zim growled again, and you had to look down at him in a new light. This kid had done so much already, Boltzmann really had nothing on Zim's technological prowess. "Fine. Please don't answer any annoying human calls."

"Okie-dokie!"

The microphone receded into his silver backpack. "One of these days I want a full explanation for all of that." You didn't miss the look shared between the boys, indecipherable as usual. For someone who used to fight constantly, it was odd how easy the had fallen into this almost-friendship. Or how much they understood each other. Dib took any oddities in stride, often merely rolling his eyes or groaning. Or Zim would go bother him with questions, when anyone else he made it seem like he would die before asking for help. 

"You wouldn't believe it even if we told you," Dib scoffed as you finally reached the front doors and stepped out into the sunshine.

You stopped short of the steps that lead downwards, hand on your hips. "Try me."

Dib stopped, giving you a critical look, judging you, which you wanted to laugh at. You already knew about Zim being abandoned, the fact Dib knew about that, and the fact they were geniuses in their own way. 

What else was left to surprise you? 

"Zim really is an--"

_"Annoyed _with the fact you two are standing there blathering!" The green child interrupted, starting to push Dib to hurry him down the stairs, causing the boy to nearly lose his balance. "We have a serious situation! My cover may be blown!" 

Dib shifted away from Zim suddenly, causing Zim to crash to the ground. "Zim, I really don't think…."

"Exactly!" Zim jumped to his feet. "That is why it's best to allow me to be the one to think!"

"Just because I've been helping you doesn't mean I'm one of your minions. I'm trying to be a _friend_." 

"Pfft, the mighty Zim does not need _friends_."

"Okay, break it up!" You quickly intervened before harsher words could be thrown. "You guys had been doing so well. I get it, tensions are running a bit high right now. But let's focus on the problem at hand. Boltzmann won't be as understanding as I am about the whole no-parents deal. We need to figure out what to do in case he gets it in his head to talk to Zim's parents in person."

The boys glared at each other for a long moment, and you honestly thought for a moment they were about to go for each other's throats again before Dib caved and sighed. "I guess we could go with our original plan of upgrading the parent-drones."

Zim gritted his teeth before conceding as well. "I agree. Obviously there are some...faults with my programming."

"Far more than a few, my friend." You said, patting him on the head absently, missing the slight flinch before he looked up at you oddly. "Come on, let's head that way. I might order some food. Lunch time was...interesting."

"Yeah, I didn't expect dad to show ...wait, you're helping?"

"Do either of you _kids_ know how a parent should act accordingly?" Dib may know how his father acted, and not to speak ill of the professor, but he certainly wasn't a typical parent in the least bit. 

"Weren't you abandoned by your parental units?" Zim rebutted, causing a twinge in your chest.

"Well, yes. However, being as I'm a grown adult who deals with other parents on a frequent basis, I have inside info."

"A spy, yes," Zim's doubtful look turned into a grin as he steepled his fingers. "With you and Dib's assistance, my drones will be flawless!" His laughter was a maniacal cackle that echoed through the late afternoon air, and this time you couldn't help but smile.

\---

Thankfully, Zim's home wasn't as far from the school as your own, leading to a rather surprisingly enjoyable walk. The two continued to bicker occasionally as they discussed the more technical aspects of the upgrading, reaffirming the fact you had barely an idea of how much the two were capable of. Thankfully their arguements were more like the ones that developed between friends, with no underhanded or snide comments.

You also learned that apparently Zim was allergic to meat while ordering some take out on your phone, which was an interesting tidbit of information. But you recalled reading an article about the allergen developing after insect bites. Was that why he was so short compared to his classmates, let alone his green-tinged skin color? 

Said parent-drones greeted the three of you when you arrived with their typical "Welcome home, son."

"Did you give them any kind of an alias?" You asked, feeling a little creeped out by their vacant gaze as you slipped past them. "Like names or back story?"

"Their names are mom and dad, and their my parents. What else is needed?" 

"Uh, a lot," Dib chimed as the three of you set down your things at the kitchen table, where a third chair had appeared since last time. "Parents have names. Like my dad isn't just dad."

"Well then, what's your first name?" Zim asked, pulling out his tablet while you answered. It felt odd to see him write it as his mom's. "Everyone is so obsessed with the date of one's arrival to this stupid planet. What's your… birthday?" You wanted to protest that you were a bit too young to give birth to a twelve year old, but remembered some of your old classmates had given birth that young. You gave in with a sigh and answered before Zim turned to Dib.

"Dib-human, what's your dad's name?"

You felt your face heat up. Even if it wasn't anything real, just the thought flustered you far more than it probably should. "Wait, I don't…"

"Professor," Dib explained as he continued working on the code on his own tablet, his face scrunched slightly in concentration. His answer surprised you, to say the least. Maybe to the world he was Professor Membrane, but surely his son would know his actual first name.

"That's his title, not his name," you said before Zim could enter it.

"No," Dib looked up briefly, "His legal first name really is Professor. He's title is doctor. So it's like, Doctor Professor Membrane with a billion PhDs and whatever else behind it."

The professor's given name had been a mystery for what seemed like forever, with wild rumor and allegations varying from the government had redacted it to the Professor himself had erased his name from all files. But: "He literally changed his name to professor?" He was about as quirky as his son. Maybe you shouldn't be that surprised.

"No, my grandparents named him Professor when he was born."

You froze, mind reeling. You immediately thought of how awkward that had to be, growing up with that kind of name. The teasing and bullying he probably endured through his own school years. And he still went on to become one of the most prestigious scientists in the world. 

"That's…" It was too much for words. Amazing, inspiring in it's own way. You saw Zim tapping at his screen and was brought back to reality. "It's too unusual of a name. Try something less odd, like Jhonen or something for a first name." You could fangirl later about being one of the few to know the truth. You had business to do. 

You shifted in your chair, attention focused on the children in front of you. "And it might be best to have their professions as self employed. It'll be less likely to be researched. Last thing we need is them to call up a company asking for them."

\---

The pizza delivery finally arrived and was quickly devoured by the three of you, plus Gir who appeared out of nowhere it seemed to steal a few slices before disappearing with a mad cackle down...the toilet.

"Please tell me that's not an actual toilet?" You asked, questioning if you truly saw that, water splashing and all as he swirled downwards. How could he fit? He would have to clog it?

"It's the secret entrance to Zim's lab," Dib said absently, chewing his own slice as he watched the robot disappear. "Real subtle, huh?" 

"_SECRET_ entrance! To my _SECRET_ lab!" Zim hissed, kicking him under the table. "You are _horrible_ at keeping secrets, Dib human!"

"Yeah," Dib rolled his eyes, turning back to Zim. "As if you have room to criticize."

"_Children_," you warned. "Save it for tomorrow with Boltzmann."

That quickly ended the impending argument, their scowls turning towards you instead. "We have to tell Meyers that he can't do that," Dib argued. "I mean, Boltzmann is the literal worst."

"Dib-human is right," Zim snarled. "He dare thinks he's superior to us? To me? Ha! He's no more superior than a disgusting human worm baby! He will rue the day he dared to cross the mighty Zim!" 

"Unfortunately Meyers isn't likely not going to do anything I ask," you admitted with a sigh. "He's pissed about the fact I got Professor Membrane involved."

There was only a moment to worry about the slip of your tongue before Dib's scowl became more inquisitive. "How long have you been talking with my dad anyways?" 

"Uh…" Had Professor Membrane said anything about your emails to him? And now both children were giving you suspicious looks. "So I may have sent him an email earlier this week asking for help? It was just a few emails about trying to help you two and then this happened. " You admitted, feeling your face warm once more. "He just said he was going to help out, I never thought he'd do _this_."

"Yeah, my dad loves science more than anything." Dib's voice took a rather cynical tone that surprised you. "I don't think I've seen him this excited in a long time. At least not about anything I'm involved in."

Oh. Your heart ached with sympathy, and you even saw Zim's expression softened some. "I'm...I'm sure he loves you no matter what," you found yourself saying. "I just think your father is just really happy that he can bond with you over something he loves as well and so he's just really being really enthusiastic about their right now…" you trailed off, realization settling in. "Oh my god. Your dad is a huge nerd."

There was a pause before the dark look on Dib's face cracked with a snort of laughter. It wasn't long before both of you were laughing, leaving Zim more than a little confused. "What are you two stink humans laughing about now?"

"Nerd! The great Professor Membrane is a nerdy dad!"


	8. Eight: Filler Chapter is Filler-y

Professor Membrane was becoming concerned as the hours passed and there was still no sign of Dib. Gaz had basked in his absence, happily confiscating the large tv of the living room to play her video games with the volume loud enough he could hear it in his basement lab. But supper came and went with no sign of his male child, and he was starting to consider calling him to remind him that while his new enthusiasm for science was admirable, working himself to the bone was not a trait he wanted his son to inherit. 

Thankfully as the clock approached close to eight, the alarm system announced Dib's return. When Membrane reached the main room, Dib was slipping off his shoes, his bag tossed next to the door. "So son, how did you enjoy the new lab?"

"Huh? Oh, we weren't able to use it," Dib yawned, though a faint frown lingered on his lips. "Boltzmann decided that he was gonna try to take over the club, so we just left with Miss Nemo instead." 

Any lingering excitement died with his son's words, "What? Why? Does Miss Nemo not want to help anymore?" Maybe he had misjudged his meeting with her this afternoon, but in her emails, she seemed so determined.

"No, she does. We were over at Zim's house working on our project. But she said after today we have to put up with Boltzmann until she can convince Meyers to let her resume helping us out. She even hinted for us to misbehave some to drive Boltzmann away."

Professor Membrane was...confused. Very confused. He had told the principal explicitly to not interfere. Granted he didn't have jurisdiction over the public school, but surely his advice would count for something. Surely he could see for himself how much you had helped both boys.

"Did someone say misbehaving?" Gaz asked, appearing at their side with a dark smile on her face. "Can I help?"

"No," Professor answered quickly. "We do not need a repeat of last year. Mrs. Grool is still in the insane asylum."

"How was I supposed to know she was deathly afraid of spiders?" Gaz gave Dib a hard look when he went to open his mouth to argue she had known exactly how scared the woman was scared of arachnids.

"Right." It was obvious Professor Membrane was doubtful of his daughter's claimed innocence. "Still, as much as I want to foster you two working together...no."

Gaz's frown deepened more and she grumbled before going back to her video game, killing her enemies with a little bit more vigor than usual. 

"I promise not to drive him insane," Dib said as he noticed the familiar signs of worry in his father's face. "Or get expelled. Or cause a riot. Or level a city block. Or…"

"I get it," Professor Membrane sighed, laying a hand on the top of the boy's head. "You're not hellspawn like your sister."

"No, because Dib's too much of a scardy cat to be as amazing as I am," Gaz called back.

\---

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science Club 
> 
> What exactly happened this afternoon?

*

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science club
> 
> I have to ask first what Dib told you.

*

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science Club 
> 
> He said something about a different teacher overseeing the project.
> 
> Why do you need to ask?

*

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science club
> 
> I plan on talking with Meyers first thing about it in the morning. 
> 
> I may need to plead to the fifth later. I thought it best not to get you involved in case something goes awry.

*

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science Club 
> 
> I probably should not strictly be doing this. However, as I said before I am impressed by how much you have done for the boys. So again, if you need any kind of help, simply email or call me.

\---

Morning came far too early in your honest opinion, but it always did anymore. Studying technology on top of grading and class planning every night felt like being in college again. But you were getting it. Sorta. Vaguely.

At least it was progress.

You made sure to get an early bus so you could get to the school. Sleep deprivation on top of anger fuelled your determination as you waited at Meyers' office for him to arrive. You practiced your words in your mind as you waited on the bench, trying to pick out every argument he might be able to make and make your own counterargument. You hated to admit that a lot of it depended on Membrane's help, but surely that counted for something? There wasn't any rule against an English teacher leading a science club. In fact, you had scoured the handbooks and everything to assure the law was on your side.

Or, more accurately, not against you.

"Oh god, I knew you would do something stupid," Meyers groaned as soon as he walked through the main doors and saw you waiting. "Let me guess, you're upset about Boltzmann."

"Yes," You answered tartly, standing as he unlocked his office door and followed him through. "I formed this club, and it's been working fine! I don't see why you're even allowed to do this!"

"You're an English teacher, what do you even know about science?" He scoffed. "Boltzmann is far more capable than you. Why don't you go form a book club or whatever."

"The science club is mine," you stubbornly repeated. "Even Professor Membrane agrees that…"

Meyers tired eyes hardened as he glared at you. "Oh don't get me started on that, Nemo. You brought this on yourself for making me look like a fool in front of him."

You spluttered. He was doing this because of what happened yesterday? "Are you seriously that petty?" 

"Petty? PETTY?" Meyers snarled as he stood back up. "I have been the principal here for over thirty years. I have never had any kind of problems until those two children, and now you! You're a brand new teacher, and I let you figure things out for yourself, but yesterday was unacceptable!"

Rage boiled in your chest, your rational argument going up in a puff of smoke. You wanted so badly to open your mouth and spew your anger at him. _Your_ behavior was unacceptable? This whole school was a joke! The teachers apathetic, the curriculum was outdated, the school was in ill repair. It was a wonder it hadn't been condemned decades before you even showed up!

Except this had been the only place willing to hire you. Zim and Dib were here as well as the few other students you were trying to reach out to in class. Already you felt too attached to them to dare leave them. 

Your mouth clicked close and you forced yourself to relax. You couldn't quit. You couldn't step out of line enough to be fired. But there were other ways. "Fine, Boltzmann can have the science club. Let's see how he handles the boys at their worst."

Meyers narrowed, "Is that a threat?"

You forced a laugh as you turned to leave. "Who am I? Their mom? I can't control their behavior. Besides, it's not my problem anymore."

\---

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science Club
> 
> I'm afraid I did not have much luck with Meyers, so I have to concede for now. Boltzmann will continue in charge of the science club. They were supposed to start construction of the rover but Boltzmann made it clear he does not approve of their project. I'm afraid we might have to withdraw. But thank you for all your help. 

*

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Science Club
> 
> Nonsense. I have a lab at home, and I believe my garage is suitable for their drone building. Please feel free to use either if you do sincerely wish to continue with the project. 

\---

Dib and Zim charged into your office on your break, quickly shutting the door behind them. "So what's the plan?"

"He said no," you sighed. "My last option is to let you guys off for detention so you don't have to stay with Boltzmann. Professor Membrane said you could continue your project there if you want, but I dunno if they will allow you to submit it without a teacher." 

"What are you talking about? You're our teacher," Zim argued as if stating the obvious. "Besides, I refuse to allow that stink worm to win. They think they can dare defy _us? Ha!_"

"Zim…" you started, a frown on your lips. "I know it's upsetting, but…"

"We heard Meyers talking with Boltzmann," Dib interrupted. "They're doing this because they're jealous of the praise my dad gave you. We're not letting them take this away from you."

"Exactly! They will learn to respect the obviously superior beings!"

"You boys…" you trailed off, warmth blooming in your chest. How did these two go from being some of the most troublesome students to your absolute favorite? "You two don't need to get into any more trouble."

"Oh, we won't." The smile on Zim's face worried you, his teeth seeming a little too sharp. "They will be begging their puny gods for mercy, but it will be the mighty Zim and Dib that will be the cause of their misery! Mwahahaha!"

"We'll be sneaky about it" Dib explained as Zim continued to laugh. "Anyways, if dad is letting us work at home, You'll be there too, right?"

"What?" You felt your heart flutter, "I-I think you guys can do just as well without me, and your dad will be there anyway, and…"

"No!" Dib protested, his face severe as he leaned forward. "You have to come, otherwise, we get sidetracked, even with dad around. And probably start fighting again." 

"Yes, your presence is oddly calming," Zim agreed. "You're like the exact opposite of Gir."

"I guess? I'll email the professor to make sure he's okay with it…"

"Excellent! We'll come by after we deal with Boltzmann!" You were worried as Dib's grin started to match Zim's, but before you could protest the bell rang and the two dashed out of your tiny office.

\---

> **From:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**To:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**Subject:** Okay, all the Re were getting annoying
> 
> Sorry to disturb you again. However, while the boys would like to continue their project at your place, they want me to tag along. I told them you would be more help than I, but they are being rather insistent so I'm not sure what to do.

\---

Professor Membrane frowned as he read your email. Perhaps he hadn't been as clear as he intended? His assistants had observed he tended to assume people automatically knew what he was talking about when in reality they did not.

Then again...you were extremely shy, and it seemed like your own peers were less than supportive. Perhaps your self-esteem was that frail.

\---

> **From:** Professor Membrane (professormembrane@ML.org)  
**To:** Miss Nemo (nemo.englisha@skool.edu)  
**Subject**: I agree completely 
> 
> I apologize, Miss Nemo. I thought I was more clear: I expected you to accompany the boys. I know both of them to think highly of you despite your inexperience. Besides, I think it would be enjoyable to be able to talk to you in person. 

You flushed as you read the email again. He was serious about this, wasn't he? Why? You really weren't _that_ special. Surely he had met others far more interesting than him.

He was just being nice. That was it. You were helping his son so he was just being nice. He wasn't doing this because he thought you special or anything like that. That was just your stupid crush trying to trick you. 

Right?


	9. Nine: Operation Bad Piggy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story has officially become my most-liked story. I am absolutely stunned. We're nearly at 600 kudos. I know there are stories out there with thousands, but 600 is such a huge number for me personally. I can't thank you guys enough!! 
> 
> You guys are so amazing to me and I cannot express how much I love all of you!

"You know, I've been thinking." It was the end of the day, and both Dib and Zim were dragging their feet to walk towards the science wing. Before they wouldn't bother stopping at their lockers, but race across campus. But that was when they knew you were waiting for them, and not Boltzmann. 

"I thought I was smelling something burning," Zim quipped automatically. His locker was across the hall from Dibs, and he shoved the canvas bag of books inside with little care. He only carried them around for pretense and rarely actually used them. "Something gross and gooey."

"Oh haha," Dib rolled his eyes as he slammed his locker door shut. "Seriously though: I think we should tell Moss Nemo."

"Tell her what?" Zim half sneered, half asked while they gave in and started the trek down the emptying halls. His mood was reverting just at the thought of being in the same room as Boltzmann and not able to tell the stupid human exactly how stupid he was. Though he was eager to begin his joint operation with Dib.

"That you're really an alien."

Zim stiffened briefly before sliding close to Dib and hissing. "Watch it! I thought you weren't trying to expose me anymore!"

"I'm not," Dib defended, pushing Zim away and wiping away the alien spittle. "As long as you promise not to try to destroy the earth or enslave the human race, we're good."

"Then have you devolved back into insanity?" Zim continued in a hushed tone, at least for him. For anyone else, it was still verging on loud. "Has your human stupidity returned?"

"I'm just saying I feel bad lying to her!" Dib interrupted. "She's been nothing but nice and understanding, so I feel guilty." 

"She's been so _nice_ because she believes I am a stinking human smeet." 

"I think she'd be okay with it?" Dib hazard. "I mean, she's been okay with everything so far."

"Because I'm a human _smeet_ and she's compelled by your stupid human biology to care." 

"Humans aren't like that, Zim. Do you see anyone else really caring?" 

"You're late." Boltzmann snapped as soon as Dib and Zim entered the lab, and Dib gestured towards Boltzman as if to prove his point. 

"Class ended less than 5 minutes ago," Zim sneered. "You expect us to traverse this building in that amount of time?"

"I won't tolerate excuses," Boltzmann waves his hand. "The next time you're late you'll be facing even more detention. Now take your seats; we're starting with the basics of HTML."

The boys shared a look, reminding themselves they had to follow the plan. They took seats across from each other, waiting until the teacher lowered his guard and started to drone on with his lecture. 

Time for Operation: Bad Piggy.

\---

You were really trying to focus on grading papers. But even with music trying to fill your office, it was too silent. Usually, you would be in the lab right now, listening to the boys' work and chiming in every so often.  
You wondered how the club was going. Were they behaving?

Okay, that was a stupid question. Of course they weren't. The real question was if they were working together or dissolving into an argument. If Boltzmann undid all the work you did to get those two to realize they weren't that different from each other, you would…

Well. Not have a job any longer, probably. 

The other worry that plagued you was the question of if they would still be up to going to the Membrane residence afterward. And that thought brought on a new set of worries, making it truly impossible to grade the essays before you. You still struggled with trying to decipher any hidden meaning in the Professor's emails, and then trying to bring yourself back to reality and squash any notion that he was interested in you beyond social nicety. 

It was a 'you help me, I help you' kind of thing. Nothing else. 

The lights suddenly flickered, catching your attention. Your music suddenly cut off as your computer went black. You frowned as you tapped a key to see if it just went to sleep, only for Gir's face to pop on screen, laughing insanely as he held a squealing pig in his arms. 

Oh god. What had those two done? You could hear Gir's laugh and the squeals of the pig echo in from the hallway. You abandoned your office and stepped out into the hall, which confirmed every monitor had the same video looping.

_ What did they do?_

Footsteps echoed down the hall, and you turned to see the boys running down the hall. They may have been trying not to grin but were failing horribly as they all but crashed into you. On instinct you wrapped your arms around them, your eyes peering down the hall to see if anyone was chasing them. 

"Hurry! Let's get out of here, non-stinky humans!" Zim pushed at you, his smile verging on frightening. 

"What did you two do?" You asked, though quickly hurrying to gather your things in your office. Even your tablet had Gir splayed on the screen, the noise muffled as you shoved it in your bag. 

"It was supposed to be a time-delayed virus," Dib explained as the three of you ran for the doors. "But someone got his hours and seconds mixed up."

"Your human measurements of time make no sense!" Zim defended, making you frown and add a mental note to ask about that later. Right now there were bigger problems.

"You guys infected the whole school network?" 

"Their defenses were weaker than I anticipated!" Zim argued. "I used the same virus on Dib's laptop last year and I had to actually work to get past his firewalls and antivirus programs!"

"It's a public school versus Membrane Lab's best! I told you to dial it down!"

"You really think I would make something _weaker_? Ha! I made it worse!"

"And that's the problem!"

"Oh god," you groaned as you stepped outside. "How bad is it?"

"It completely wiped their hard drives and any backups…" Dib answered, which froze you in your tracks.

"WHAT?! That's-that's…!"

"Evil? Ingenious?" He grinned with his sharp teeth. "I know! MWAHAHAHA!" 

"That included my computer! And my tablet!"

Both boys paused, looking at each other with a similar 'oh shit' expressions. "Oh my god, you two," You groaned again. All your plans for this year. All your grades. Everything. Gone. You didn't have any backups. Nothing. 

"Are you mad?" Dib asked in a quiet voice. You looked between his anxious expression, and the odd look on Zim's, torn between fear and defensiveness as if expecting you to turn on them. 

You were in far too deep with these two. You forced yourself to relax and breathe. "Not...not mad. Upset, yes. But," you sighed in defeat, "next time, put some more thought into your consequences. So that was your big plan?"

"Oh no, that was just Phase One." The look on Zim's face did not bode well. "Phase Two has yet to begin."

You could only imagine and faintly fear. "And does that have any far-reaching unintended effects?"

"I don't think so."

"Shouldn't," Dib agreed. "It's actually something my sister did to her 2nd-grade teacher. Just...not as severe."

\---

The Membrane home was a bit different than you expected. You had thought something grand, high tech and sleek; the height of both technology and modern architecture. Instead, while it did stand out, it was also more...common. Like an ordinary two-story house that was slightly modified but not much. And the inside, while eccentric, was normal. Absolutely normal.

It was weird. 

"So that's her?" A small girl appeared, her hair a dark raspberry/plum color. She peered at you through thick eyelashes. "She doesn't look special."

"Gaz, be nice," Dib warned. "Please?"

You offered a faint smile, a little disturbed by the odd feeling climbing up your spine. You weren't exactly one to believe in auras and energies, yet something about Gaz was decidedly ...different. "You must be Gaz. Your reputation precedes you."

She looked at your offered hand and glared up at you instead. "And?"

Was this really an elementary student? She seemed far _more_ than just a child. You could almost see why Meyers seemed so terrified of her. "...I try not to let my first impressions be tainted by other people's opinions," you said after a moment, gaining a faint smile. 

"Wise idea." She dismissed you as she pulled a GameSlave2 from her pocket, already absorbed in it by the time she settled on the couch. 

"Gaz is a terrifying creature," Zim hissed as the boys led you away from the living room and into the kitchen. "I have yet to see another human as formidable as her. Thankfully, as long as you don’t interrupt her video games or get between her and pizza, she will leave you alone.”

“Uh-huh,” you said doubtfully, though you couldn’t help but notice the slight awe in his voice. 

“Master Dib! Oh and guests!” A robot rolled into view as you entered the kitchen, and as odd as it was, it made absolute sense for the membrane home. It wasn’t anything like Zim’s parent-drones, but a blocky kind of robot, a chef’s hat on its head and an oven inside its body. “May Foodio 3000 interest you in an afternoon snack? Pizza rolls? Fruit? Smoothie? A nine-course banquet?” 

“Uh, Pizza rolls I guess,” Dib answered distractedly as he set his computer up on the table. 

“Perfect? And for you?” The robot turned towards Zim expectantly, a smile on its simulated face, which Zim glowered at. 

“I don’t want any of your disgusting food,” he waved him off, settling into the chair across from Dib, while you reluctantly took the last seat. 

“Disgusting? Au contraire! I am the latest Foodio model, able to cook any desired course in a matter of minutes! From delicate baklava to something like a simple hamburger, nothing is too complicated for me! Please, I must insist! What is your favorite dish?” 

“Just order something,” Dib said before Zim could open his mouth. “It’s a fault in his programming, but he won’t give up until he gives you something.”

“Fine,” Zim sighed. “How about, I don’t know, a taco. Meatless!” he quickly added, “And plenty of that one sauce, what does Gir call it again? Flaming poo of death?” 

“Ah! The Taco palace’s infamous deathly poo sauce!” Foodio’s eyes lit up as he clapped its hands together. “Excellent choice, sir! And for the lady?”

“Uh,” you paused, racking your brain before asking about your favorite snack. 

“Perfect! I will be right back with your food!” 

“Whatever happened to Clembrane?” Zim asked as you watched in fascination as Foodio buzzed about the kitchen, his two hands moving faster than your eyes could keep up. 

“He just disappeared one night. Which is kinda disappointing, I was starting to like the pudding too. Dad was happy though, he thought it meant he was completely healed from his hallucination.” 

“What?” You turned back, brows knitted in confusion. Both boys paused as if caught red-handed. 

“Nothing!” Zim suddenly shouted and grabbed for your bag that was resting on the floor. “Let the mighty Zim look at your pathetic computer! Perhaps I can salvage some of your hard drive.” 

Your frown deepened, but you kept your lips sealed. Things were building up, and sooner or later you will get to the bottom of everything. But the thought that he could salvage something made you keep quiet, and instead watch in confusion and amazement as tools sprouted from his metal backpack, the lithe mechanical rods acting like a second pair of hands as he worked. 

How? How had this child come across such technological marvels? Had his parents been a pair of mad scientists? Did they abandon him, or had they died in some way, leaving him to fend for himself? 

"I thought you boys were ready to start building today?" Membrane asked as he entered the room, making you pause. You knew he had expressly invited you, but you were still expecting some kind of negative reaction. 

"Well, Operation Bad Piggy didn't exactly go according to plan," Dib answered slowly. "So we're trying to recover Miss Nemo's information…"

"...bad piggy?"

"A virus that completely wiped all of the school's computers clean. Including mine," you answered. "I swear, I did not know that this was what they were planning." Otherwise, you would have either convinced them to do something else or at least made a hard copy of your work.

"Ah." Professor Membrane sat down in the last remaining chair. A simple gesture and Foodio was placing a mug of hot tea in his waiting hand. "I see." 

There was a snap, crackle, and pop before smoke rose from your tablet along with a few tongues of flames that were quickly extinguished by Foodio. Zim froze, staring at the blackened tablet in horror. 

You wanted so badly to curse, but held in the urge and instead sighed as you slumped in your seat. "Awesome."

"...why don't you two go get started on your project?" Membrane said after a tense silence. 

"Sounds good!" Dib grabbed Zim's hand and pulled him away and led him to the door you assumed led to the backyard.

Once the door clicked shut, your face met the table as you groaned. "I should have known they would go over the top. I should have been more responsible. I should've…"

You were silenced as Professor Membrane laid a gentle hand on your back. "If I know anything about those two, it's that their actions are completely unpredictable. It's why I admire you." That made you look up in surprise, your face flushing. "I don't know many, if any, that would try as hard as you do when it comes to Dib and Zim. In fact, I'm sure many of my colleagues would be yelling and cursing right now. Your patience and compassion are remarkable."

"I, uh, well, thank you," you stammered. "I mean, I don't really think it's special. Those two just...need a little extra attention. They're really not that bad." 

"Agreed, they could be much worse." There was a loud bang outside followed by muffled laughter that was undeniably Zim. It was Membrane’s turn to groan, rubbing his forehead. "But they can be very, very trying at times."

It made you laugh quietly, and you felt brave enough to put a hand on his arm. "I know exactly how you feel." 

He turned, and you caught sight of dark eyes behind his goggles. Your breath caught slight as you realized how close you two were sitting. You quickly sat up a little straighter, stammering: "I guess with my tablet broke, I'll be calling or texting you!"

You missed his faint confused look as you turned and rummaged through your bag for the business card he had given you. After everything you never did have time to actually look at it.

And it was...blank? You frowned as you studied it; it really wasn't paper, though you weren't sure what it was made out of. But there was nothing but a blue shiny strip running across it. 

"Oh, right! You'd be unfamiliar with my cards. Go ahead and set it on the table, and then grab your phone." 

You frowned, more than slightly confused, but did as you were told. Except when you pulled your phone out, it was Membrane's turn to pause. "What is that?" He asked after a long moment.

"It's my phone," you replied defensively.

"That thing is a dinosaur; it belongs in a museum."

You looked down at your phone. Okay, it was around ten years old; a flip phone you had bought when you entered college. But you never exactly had money to spend on something better. Not between everything else. "Yeah, well, with Zim destroying my tablet I guess I'll be using it for another ten years." 

"Nonsense. Dib had a hand in this...operation bad Piggy. I have the perfect idea to repay you."

"What? Oh no, Professor, you do not need to repay me! It was a mistake, an accident. While the boys are definitely at fault, I think they learned a lesson today and…"

"Miss Nemo." If his interruption didn't silence you, his hands wrapping around yours certainly would have. "You said yourself, they completely wiped everything clean. I can only estimate how difficult your job is going to be now. Please, allow me to assist you." 

He seemed so heartfelt and sincere, and honestly, you were more than a little star-struck. "Okay," you found yourself agreeing as you stared up at him. 

Thankfully, or maybe not, Foodio interrupted as he placed the plates of food loudly on the table. "My best work yet!"

\---

Snacks had turned into supper, and it was far too late when you finally did leave the Membrane household, Zim by your side. While you knew he had looked out for himself this long, and only lived a few blocks away, you were determined to walk him home before you headed on your way.

Oddly, he was quiet as you both walked in silence. Zim was rarely ever silent; always muttering to himself and scheming. “So what is Phase two?” You asked just to end the silence that hung heavily. 

“Hm? Oh, I had Gir go collect every slithering insect he could find and leave them in those idiots’ dwellings.” A faint smile crossed his face. “I can imagine their screams when they open their doors and see all the disgusting bugs crawling in their homes.”

Despite yourself, you laughed into the night air. “Okay, I can get a hundred percent behind that one.” 

Zim looked proud when you smiled down at him, and you couldn’t resist patting him on the shoulder. “While I can’t exactly approve of you guys trashing the school’s network like that, I am rather proud of you two for accomplishing something like that. That was quite a feat.” 

You could virtually watch his ego swell as his grin grew. But in a flash, it dwindled away back to the intense look he had before. “What’s wrong?” you asked. 

He debated for a few moments before starting hesitantly, “Say, hypothetically, if Dib-human was right, and I was, hypothetically, an alien…”

“You’re not an alien, Zim,” you interrupted. “Just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re not human. Dib was just confused because he loves stories of the paranormal, so when he saw someone that looked…”

You trailed off as Zim stopped and pulled his hair off. A wig. Two thin black antennae stood from his head, twitching slightly. Then he plucked off the whites of his eyes like they were contacts, revealing pure red eyes that stared up at you without pupils. 

“What the fuck.”


	10. Ten: Inevitable Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys. _You guys!_
> 
> _Over twenty comments in the last chapter. And with that unexpected bombshell, I wanted try and do it justice. I want to reply to each and every one, because you mean the world to me, but right now life is so crazy it's taken me too long just to get this chapter out. _
> 
> _But now I loved every single comment, be it short and sweet or amazingly long. I love all you!!!_

"What the fuck?" Your legs gave out as you fell to the ground, eye to eye with Zim. His eyes followed you, his antenna shifting slightly. 

“I have no idea what you’re asking about,” he stated, “What is a fuck?” 

“Y-you’re an… an…” you couldn’t even form words, let alone a coherent thought as your mind struggled with the proof staring you in the face. 

"Yeah," Zim scratched his head slightly. "Probably could have done this better. But Dib's annoying words wouldn't shut up. They were making me feel ...things. icky, horrible things." He shuddered and gagged slightly. "Such horrid things were too torturous to stand any longer."

Oddly enough, that was what snapped your mind back into gear because that was undeniably Zim. "Zim." He looked back at you, fear yet curiosity on his face. It was alien, but... "You're still Zim." You said to yourself as you reached out and poked his cheek, making him wince slightly. 

"Don't tell me I broke your mind, human. I had hoped you were intelligent enough to accept the awesomeness that is the Mighty Zim in his true glory." 

You sighed in relief. Yes. It was Zim. "So you're really a… you know..."

"An alien, yes." He nodded before freezing as a car approached, panic on his face. You instantly understood and scrambled to hide him from view as he grabbed his discarded disguise. By the time the caf passed and you turned around, the Zim you knew was playing guileless, rocking on his heels while whistling a tune. 

"You are explaining everything."

\---

You sat on Zim’s couch, brain absolutely fried after the last hour or more of Zim explaining everything. Or at least scratching the surface of 'everything' because honestly, an alien. An honest fully-fledged alien. Invader. Little green man sent to destroy the earth. Just not from Mars.

“Not that I am going to do that anymore,” Zim said in a hurry once he saw you pale once he had admitted he was an Invader. “You see, I realize now that my Tallest, my leaders, had sent me here on a fruitless mission. They dare sent me, their greatest Invader, to a planet that meant nothing to their great plan! But the joke’s on them because they’re stuck in the Florpus hole for all eternity! The Irken Armada is adrift without their leaders! It's hilarious to watch them panic and scurry like disgusting little earth-mice."

"And a floor...puss... is what, again…?"

"A Florpus hole is a tear in the very fabric of reality with impossible gravity." The computer answered you. Every time you posed a technical term, like squeedlyspooch, the AI would answer in terms you can understand. 

You looked up into the wiring of the house, wondering how you missed that the first few times you were here. "So, kinda like a black hole?"

"Yeah, sure," the computer answered in a tone that suggested that even it didn't know. 

You had sighed, groaned, and muttered so many times during the information dump. You didn't even want to know what your hair looked like after you ran your hands through it once again. "That thing that happened over the summer break. On Peace Day. That...that was real. That was you." The skies had been blood red, plants and other...things hanging in the sky. You had felt so ill, so terrified. It had been a nightmare, you thought it _was_ a nightmare, but to know it was true. That the planet had been hijacked for lack of a better term, made you feel sick all over again. 

Zim took a deep breath, "Yeah. I kinda...snapped. Finding out that I was… exiled. That my mission was futile, that I was seen as a joke…" It was easy enough to hear the hate and derision in his voice, but fear was present as well. You didn't see an alien before you, you saw a boy who had literally been abandoned by everyone he knew and loved. 

Maybe it was the rollercoaster that your emotions had been through today, the fact that your understanding of the world had been fundamentally shattered, and you were exhausted. You slipped from the couch and didn't hesitate before wrapping your arms around Zim and pulling him in for a tight hug. Zim stiffened in your embrace, and you worried for a second that maybe his culture didn't do hugs before he clutched at you tightly, just like a little boy would. 

"Well, I'm glad they did. Otherwise, I would never have gotten the chance to meet you." You didn’t miss the fact he squeezed you even tighter, burying his face in your side just like any human child would do. Any human, period, when finally feeling like they belonged somewhere.

\---

The next morning, Dib was excited as he rushed over to Zim's house, a smile on his face as he banged on the metal door. School had been canceled for the rest of the week! Sure it backfired in some ways, but it still didn't dampen his excitement. They could not only finish the rover but maybe resume working on Tak's ship too.

"SHHHH!" Gir shushed loudly when he opened the door for Dib, his metal digits pressed to his mouth in a poor mimicry as his eyes flashed red. "Teach is sleeping!"

"...what?" Dib frowned as he looked past the tiny bot. Sprawled out on the couch was a bundle of blankets with familiar messy hair peeking out from beneath. "Why?"

"Because she's tired, duh."

"That's not...I am so confused.” It was way too early in the morning for this. “Where's Zim?" 

Gir ran over to the small stand that flipped upwards as he approached, revealing one of the many entrances to the base below. Granted, Gir had allowed him inside a few times over the years to the ire of his master, but it was still an odd feeling to know that he was actually welcomed to step into the lift that swiftly dropped him to the main lab below. 

When he arrived, Zim was hanging over the parent droids, the spider-legs of his Pak anchored to the ceiling as he worked on the exposed wiring of the robots. "So, are you going to…"

Zim's head snapped up as soon as Dib spoke, the special visor covering his face retreating into the pak as the alien hissed. "You!" Zim screeched, pointing a finger at him. “You infected me, Dib-human! All of this is because of you!”

Dib froze mid-step, confusion evident on his face. "What are you talking about?" He didn’t look sick, and Dib himself certainly didn’t feel ill. Was it some kind of alien thing he didn’t know about? 

"You infected me with those terrible, gross human emotions!” Zim continued, gesturing with his hands. “They gnawed on my squeedlyspooch all day yesterday! I couldn't take it anymore!" 

It took a long moment for Dib to realize what Zim was implying. "Wait,_ ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU TOLD MISS NEMO_?!" 

"That is exactly what I'm telling you! Your disgusting human emotions made me blow my cover! You infected me with your insanity and in the middle of enemy territory nonetheless! It’s a miracle I was able to salvage the situation."

Fear ran down Dib's back at the thought. Maybe you hadn't been sleeping after."You.. you didn't kill her, did you?" His stomach turned at the thought before Zim scoffed. 

"Don't be ridiculous. Thankfully it seems you weren't wrong about her. However, by the time I finished answering her million questions, the buses had stopped running for the night. Gir has been oddly insistent not on waking her, so I’ve been stuck down here for the last few hours." 

"Oh…" There was a pause before Dib muttered to himself. "I wanted to be the one to tell her." To have someone believe him for once. For his words not to be met with mockery or laughing. 

"Oh," Zim paused. "Well, you can still tell her 'I told you so'. You are quite good at those." 

That perked Dib up a bit, a hint of a smile on his face. "You think so?"

"Oh yeah, it's _super_ annoying when you're right."

\---

Ow. You winced as your mind slowly woke and your body jumped at the chance to complain about its aches and pains. You must have fallen asleep on the couch again while grading.

Except there was a warm heaviness of a blanket, and a mad giggle as you shifted. You pushed the blanket away from your face and looked groggily where the pressure of your computer weighed on your legs. Except it wasn't your computer. It was Gir, who gave you a large smile as you stared dumbly for a few moments, more than confused. 

It wasn't an odd dream. The memories of staying up for hours, asking your supposed student about the mysteries of the cosmos were indeed memories and not an insane dream. 

An alien. An honest extraterrestrial from not only another planet but another solar system. Maybe even galaxy, he wasn't sure. 

The thought that he came to invade made your stomach twist, despite the fact he had assured you that was no longer his intention. Could...could you honestly trust him after that admission? But it was Zim. Zim, who was goofy, always dramatic and extra. If he had been honestly trying to take over the planet, he was doing a horrid, horrid job. 

Suddenly the TV flickered to light, brightening the darkened room. A familiar ugly monkey snarled on the tv, baring its teeth. The little robot seemed enraptured with the monkey, even though it did little else than huffed and snarl while staring at the camera. You always dislike boring daytime television on the rare case you weren't...at...school….

"Wait! What time is it?!" You asked as you scrambled up, looking desperately for a clock of some kind. 

Gir jumped up, eyes flashing red as he mimicked your actions before screaming. "IT'S BREAKFAST TIME!" Before you could blink, the robot had disappeared into the kitchen, followed by a deafening crash and clatter of dishes. 

"No," you groaned. You were fairly certain Gir would be absolutely no help. And with Zim nowhere to be seen, you were at a loss. If only your phone's battery hadn't died and your computer….

Wait. Zim's computer! You looked up to the massive cables and wires that twisted to form the ceiling of the room. "Umm, computer? What time is it?"

The silence was filled by the angry monkey's growls and snarls, making you feel like an idiot. Of course, it wouldn't answer. You weren't Zim. 

"It's Deca Tri Froop," the computer answered after a moment. "In Cosmic Standard time. In Supreme Irken it is Red-Purple Luki Sert."

There was a pause as you stared at where the voice had echoed. "...you're kidding me, right? That honestly can't be how aliens tell time." There were so many questions burning to be asked, but you pushed them aside. "But I mean here on Earth. In our current time zone."

"Oh. Uh, either 10 am or 1 am. I'm not sure with all those ones and zeros."

How did Zim make it to school on time? A glance outside revealed a bright autumn sky. Confirming no matter what time it was, you were late. "Did Zim go to school already?" Would he leave you behind? Granted, people had told you in the past you could sleep like the dead at times. 

"No. School has been canceled for the rest of the week due to technical difficulties. Zim and Dib are down in the lab arguing as usual." There was a heavy groan. "I don't know if it was better or worse when they were enemies."

"Worse." You answered automatically, remembering how the two were at each other's throats all the time. 

Oh. 

Dib was right. This whole time the boy knew and tried to tell you, and you hadn't believed him. No one had believed him. Other teachers and students had openly mocked the boy to his face. While you hadn't mocked him, you had written his beliefs off as an overactive imagination when confronted with something different. 

"Can I go down there?" You asked before your mind decided to recall the memory of Gir disappearing down the toilet in the kitchen. You blanched at the idea, peering into the kitchen to where the grimy toilet sat. 

Maybe you would wait.

"Okay." The computer answered, and before you could say you had changed your mind, the floor beneath suddenly opened up, and you were plummeting down a brightly lit tube. Your screams echoed as you fell, scrambling to catch yourself, but the walls were smooth and slick, and you only ended up with friction burns on your hands. 

The light suddenly cut a second before you hit something soft, though what air was left in your lungs was still knocked from them. You stayed still for a moment, catching your breath and waiting for your heart to either slow or just give up. 

"Uh, Miss Nemo? Are you okay?" You looked up and saw both Zim and Dib giving you worried looks. It still seemed uncanny to see Zim without his disguise even after spending hours last night talking about what the rest of the cosmos was like. 

Without thinking, you rolled off the giant airbag and stumbled over to them, not missing the faint look of fear on their faces before you wrapped both of them in an impulsive hug. "You two are going to be the death of me, I swear." 

"No! You are not allowed to die!" You felt Zim's fingers dig into you, feeling decidedly pointy, making you wonder what his fingers were really like beneath the gloves he wore all the time. 

"It's just a saying," you reassured him. "No one is dying anytime soon." 

Just as you said that you finally noticed your surroundings. The lab was almost completely alien, and almost fit the stereotypical alien lab of the movies and science fiction novels you had read to a ‘t’. “Oh. Wow.” you breathed, stunned by the sight. 

“Um, I told you so?” Dib offered weakly as you released them to look around better. 

“You did,” you admitted. “You absolutely did.” When you decided you were going to mentor these two all those months ago, this was the last thing that had ever crossed your mind. Yet you still didn’t regret the choice. 

Even if it just made your life over a thousand times more complicated. And stranger. So much stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My love to my beta!!!! Noa you're the best!!!


	11. Eleven: Totally Not What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding with the boys, and maybe some bonding with the professor as well?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know I can't keep a schedule for the life of me. I ain't even going to try to excuse it.

You were extremely thankful for the day off, all things considered. It allowed you time to come to grips with the new reality you found yourself in. After all, it would probably be a long time before the thoughts of aliens existing and one of your favorite students being one no longer caused a small existential crisis every time it crossed your mind. 

Which happened a lot as you spent the rest of the morning back at the Membrane home, 'supervising' as the boys worked on the rover quickly to make up for lost time, while you worked on your lesson plan the old fashioned way- with pen and paper. It was almost like old times back when you had first assigned detention. Just without the two devolving into fights every thirty minutes. 

Between the moments where you questioned your understanding of the universe and trying to remember your plan for the remainder of the semester, you wondered if the fact Dib could keep up with Zim and they seemed equally matched spoke more for Dib's intelligence, or if was showing why Zim had been 'exiled.' He hadn't exactly explained _why_ he had been sent on a 'futile' mission, and you didn't want to pry, yet at the same time you were slowly connecting the dots. After all, if he had been sent here to conquer the earth, blending in with middle school children was certainly an odd way to go about it. And if Dib had been the only one thwarting his plans, well…. As you thought before, did that show Dib's competence or Zim's incompetence? 

The revelation did oddly make you feel a little better about the fact that when it came to computers and the like, the boys could run circles around you. But you did secretly fear that maybe this was part of another rouse and that maybe he was up to a larger scheme that you had been unknowingly roped into. It made your stomach twist in knots as you watched and hoped you were just being paranoid.

Sometime in the mid-afternoon, Foodio 3000 interrupted with demands of providing a nutritious snack and corralled the three of you back inside. 

"So what time are you going to go get your new phone?" Dib asked through bites of his sandwich. The question caused your mind to come to a screeching halt, apple slice halfway in your mouth. 

You...had completely forgotten about that. Through all the insanity of last night and this morning, you had completely spaced the fact you had agreed to meet the professor at his lab after school. Granted, school had been canceled, but…. You glanced at the clock, confirming your fears. School would be getting out soon if it hadn't been canceled.

You cursed as you dropped the apple slice and hurried to your feet. "I need to go home. Maybe I don't have time for a shower but I at least need to change. Oh Lord, I can't believe I forgot. I'm going to be late! Sorry boys, I'll see you two later, ok? Behave!"

Dib and Zim watched in stunned silence as you nearly tripped over your own feet as you sped towards the front door, rambling to yourself the entire way until the door slammed closed. 

"What was _that?_" Zim said as he turned back Dib, who only groaned and slumped in his chair. "Dib-human!" Zim poked him as he stayed quiet. "What kind of weird human behavior was that?"

Whatever excuse Zim had expected, it wasn't the one that Dib groaned out. "Our teacher has a crush on my dad."

"Oh. Oh! Ew… "Zim shivered in disgust, memories of Tak and the Valentine's day incident flashing vividly in his mind. "Granted your father has to be one of the tallest humans I've met, but that is ...ugh. Is she going to perform the disgusting meat exchange ritual as on Valentine's day?"

Dib didn't answer other than to give another groan and sink deeper in his chair.

\---

A few hours later (which honestly felt like forever after two anxiety-filled bus rides, the quickest and most thorough showers, and panicked raid through your closet) you found yourself staring at the gleaming building of Membrane Labs. The building was far larger than you had anticipated, even though you had seen plenty of pictures and advertisements featuring it. It raised high towards the overcast sky, the glass windows reflecting the gloom and threatening to disappear into the sky.

You had always wanted to visit and take one of their infamous tours, but never had the time (or money) to indulge yourself. Yet here you were. Staring up at it from across the street...and trying to make yourself cross the same street. You had gone through all those quick preparations to get here as quick as you could, to what? Get cold feet? 

Professor Membrane was waiting for you. You had to do this. 

Eventually, you were able to cross the street mainly because fo the crowd that bustled you across, but they left you at the base of the marble stairs that led upwards. After another long pause, you ended up forcing your body to cooperate and keep walking up the marble stairs towards the doors. The glass doors slid open as you approached, revealing the pristine lobby. State of the art, beautiful, and rather blinding. Nothing at all like the Membrane home. You felt tiny and insignificant in the lobby, watching in wonder as the vid-screens showed many of the products or upcoming projects of the lab that were bound to revolutionize the world once more. People passed around you, completely enveloped in their own world; dressed either in sharp business suits or in the world-famous white lab coats. 

“Can I help you?” A tart voice called out, bringing your attention back down to earth and over to the receptionist desk where a man and woman in matching lab coats sat. The man seemed preoccupied with the computer in front of him, but the woman was glaring at you from behind her glasses, making you feel even more out of place. 

You drifted over to the desk, feeling like you were extremely out of place. "Um, I’m here to talk with Professor Membrane?”

Her frown only deepened more as she scoffed slightly; "And you are?" You gave her your full name, and she barely glanced at the computer screen before replying shortly: "You don't have an appt."

"Oh, well, I-I think he’s still expecting me," you continued, knowing full well how weak your excuse sounded. “I'm a...friend?" It wasn't quite the truth, and apparently, your lie was blatant in your face judging by the sneer on her face. 

"I'm afraid that unless you have an appointment, I can't help you." 

"Please, just call him and tell him I’m here." It was only your memory of him telling you to come by his lab that made you dig your heels in. They probably had hundreds of people that came in from the street every day, claiming the same thing. 

But you weren’t just some crazy fan. You were... special?

She scoffed, "I am not interrupting the professor's hard work for another fangirl."

"Please, just call him and let me talk to him."

The man interrupted his coworker and placed a sleek phone on the desk with a smirk. "Call him yourself. If you dare to bear the consequences."

His look made you pause, but you stepped over to him boldly. Your actions seemed to impress him a little as he dialed a number and placed you on speakerphone.

"I don't hear the alarms," Membrane's voice growled a second later. "I told you quite explicitly not to disturb me when I'm working unless it is an absolute dire emergency."

"I'm sorry, Professor. But, um ..." Maybe you had been mistaken? Maybe he meant later in the evening?

Before you could doubt yourself anymore, he interrupted you, his tone changing completely. "Oh! of course, Miss Nemo! Forgive me, I lost track of time, I'll be up shortly!"

The line went dead, and you realized both receptionists were looking at you with a mixed expression of confusion and shock. "Thank you!" You pushed the phone back towards then, your doubt gone and replaced with confidence and a smidge of smugness. 

\---

It was only a few minutes before you heard the telltale signs of boots against marble, quite unlike the calm clipped tones of everyone else, making you look up from the magazine you had found. Sure enough Professor Membrane had appeared out of the crowd, hurrying towards with something clutched in one of his hands. 

"I'm sorry it took so long, I had to find a stopping point in my experiment where I could trust my assistants not to demolish the entire city block again," he amended as he drew closer, holding out a simple black phone. "Here is my latest phone, set to go on the market later this year. I was going to give you the newest prototype but it's still prone to blowing up on occasion. This one, however, only very rarely explodes and emits just a fraction gamma radiation,"

You paused for a second, a thousand worries passing through your mind before you noticed the signs of a smile around his goggles. You smiled, a warm pleasant feeling fluttering in your chest as you realized he was joking with you. "I won't turn into the she-hulk?" You couldn't help but quip back.

"Theoretically, no." His voice was rich was amusement, and you swore his smile had grown, despite not being able to see it. 

You focused your attention on the phone to distract yourself from your growing feelings. You were so glad you had taken the time to clean up a little, though you were wondering if you shouldn't have taken the time to pay attention to the fine details. 

The phone, however, was lightyears beyond the simple flip-phone you owned, making your smile drop. "I really can't accept it though," you protested as you withdrew slightly. "It's probably worth more than I make a year…"

"Nonsense," he interrupted, pushing the phone into your hands insistently. "Miss Nemo, for what you've done for my son I owe you more than you think. Especially since he had a hand in operation Bad Piggy."

Hearing that from him made your will soften. You forced your hesitancy and doubt aside and smiled instead, your fingers wrapping around the phone. "Thank you, Professor. You're extremely generous."

There was a pause and you think his eyes widened in surprise; though the faint pink on his pale skin was probably just your imagination. He cleared his throat suddenly as if catching himself. "Right. Um, let me show you how the Meme-phone 5000 works."

You could faintly hear the receptionists whispering as Professor Membrane led you back to the couch you had been sitting at, which was meant to hold two petite people at best. And, well, Membrane himself was no longer the bean-pole as he had been a few years ago and you were...well, you. However, if he was bothered by your proximity, he didn't show it as you settled next to him, pressed between his side at the armrest. 

As he quickly and rather proudly went through a demonstration of what the phone could do-- including but not limited to: projecting a holographic screen that you could use in lieu of a computer, download probably every song and podcast known to man and still have room, and free access to the Meme-cloud that had enough free storage for everything you could ever possibly need-- you were caught between amazement of what the small phone was capable of, and being sucked into studying the man beside you. 

You could definitely see more than just a few traces of Dib in him. The excitement in his voice and how prone he was for going off on tangents into technical terms that went far above your understanding were just a few that reminded you strongly of your student. You had little doubt that behind his goggles he had the same look in his eyes as Dib had when you allowed him to explain what exactly a vampire-bee or Squidsquatch was, and wondered if he was smiling as just as excitedly. 

(You prayed Squidsquatch and the rest of the 'squatch family weren’t as real as aliens turned out to be. You managed to push that thought away before another surreal moment could ruin this for you.) 

“And, of course, it can make calls; video or otherwise,” He finally paused for a moment, looking almost...nervous as he swept through the options before pulling up the contact list. “I…hope you don’t mind I preemptively added both my home number, lab extension, and cell number. In case you need to reach me, of course. Dib’s number, as well as Zim’s, have been added too. You wouldn't believe how many time Zim’s little brother Gir has prank-called me,” he added hastily with an almost-awkward laugh before his shoulders slumped slightly. “I understand if that’s too much, now that I think about it. I apologize…”

“No!” you interrupted, grabbing his hand without thinking to reassure him. “That-that’s perfect, really." You could feel your face warming as you met his gaze. "I, um, have sorta taken them under my wing and I already told both of them they could call me for help if need be.” You hardly wanted to explain the details of covering for Zim’s lack of parent (which was a whole other can of worms) or how you initially doubted his parenting skills before you knew who Dib's father actually _was._

However, you weren’t a hundred percent sure getting caught in an awkward moment again with him was that much better. Silence hung between you caught sight of his eyes behind the thick glass of his goggles. In the bright light of the lobby, you were sure they were the same color as Dib’s, but perhaps a little darker. 

The silence was suddenly pierced by a shrill beeping from his coat pocket, making both of you jump. You barely caught your new phone as he fumbled for the one ringing in his pocket. “Yes Jones?” he answered in a short but professional command. It was odd to be able to see him switch from the Professor Membrane you had come to know to the one you had seen on television and U-tune as he stood, commanding authority once more. “Again? No, I’ll be there shortly. Make sure to keep track of them this time. I told you the government isn’t happy that we already lost two of them.” 

He ended the call before looking back down at you, his posture softening once more. “I’m sorry, but I have to return to the lab. If you have any difficulties, please let me know."

You could only nod and watch as he strode purposefully through the crowd towards the elevators. Once the doors slid shut behind him the silence was broken once more, this time by the receptionist across from you. "Who are you?" The female receptionist asked with a mix of disgust, confusion, and curiosity. 

"No one," you said after a moment. "I'm no one." And yet here you were anyways. A friend of an extraterrestrial alien, a child genius, and one of the most brilliant minds in the history of the earth. Whom you had a massive crush on, and couldn't help but start to wonder if the feeling wasn't, somehow, amazingly, reciprocated.


End file.
